Here was today, in a sugar-coated nutshell:
"Good morning kids, it's easter! Pay no attention to that basket full of candy on the table and the brightly colored eggs filled with more candy hidden in plain view throughout the house. You must first sit down and have a healthy breakfast. That's right, have some cereal, milk, maybe a piece of fruit. Okay, go nuts! Find all the candy. Ha-ha, isn't this great? Okay, you can have a piece or two. But not too much! It's almost lunchtime! Okay, lunch is over. Sure, you can have more candy! No, eight malted milk balls are too many. You can have... seven. Uh-oh, it's almost dinner time. Stop eating candy now. Wow, you ate a good dinner! Have some of that chocolate Pooh Bear filled with jellybeans! I'll bet it's yummy. Okay, that's enough. I know you're excited. Must have been all that candy, ha ha. Sure, you can have more tomorrow. Now go to sleep."
What the fuck kind of holiday is this?! I swear, I am as confused as they are on this one. "So wait, Dad... we don't believe in God but we do believe in a magic bunny that leaves us candy and books? Okay, that makes perfect sense to me. Can I have another Cadbury Caramel Filled Egg that's the size of my fist? Thanks!"
I literally can't even focus on what I'm typing here because I am completely blitzed out on Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. My gums are actually hurting. That can't be good.
We colored some eggs today, I vaguely remember that:
The old lady also got these bizarre egg masks that Miss O decided to place on the heads of her 'Calico Critters' figures instead of the eggs. For some reason it reminds me of a really adorable version of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre":
I swear, when I wake them up tomorrow morning I know I'm going to find them trapped inside some sort of spun-sugar chrysalis.
I'll end here abrubtly (because I have to go run around the block or something to stop mind from shaking) with a few quotes I overheard from Mr. Z's new bathtub-drama, "Aussies," starring a dingo, platypus, koala, kangaroo and a great-horned lizard:
KOALA: "Crikey, it's a beautiful koala woman! I want to marry it, mates!"
LIZARD: "Will you stop saying mates?!"
KOALA: "I like saying 'mates,' mates!"
LIZARD: "OW! My lizard anus!"
[still later... calling to me]
MR. Z: "Dad? So, like, while I'm in the bathroom, can I fart as much as I want?"
ME: Go nuts.
TODAY'S PHRASE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HEAR MYSELF UTTER: "I'll be up there in 30 seconds and you both better be brushing your teeth!"