Tuesday, April 18, 2006

So Long, Suckers!

See that? That, my friends is a big ol', fat royalty check! Yep, this guy's on E-Z street, from now on! Go ahead, click on it and see the kind of money someone like myself pulls in on a quarterly basis. You can call me SugarCrabbyDaddy from now on. Dot com.

Okay, for those of you who didn't catch on, I was being ironic there. I was doing a little acting for you. See, I was in this band, back in the day, and we were... well, we... we were not good. No, I'm too hard on the "we" from back then. We were a "Smiths-by-way-of-REM-meets-Something-gay-in-the-late-80s" band in a "Los-Angeles-Heroin-Hair-Band-Circa-1988-1993" kinda world. We ate a lot of Ramen, okay?

But we did manage to get a couple of our songs into movies, somehow. The first movie we (well, our songs) were in was a soft-porn, straight to Spanktravision release (!) called "Bikini Island." I don't know how the whole thing happened, but our song played while some naked lady was frolicking, slo-mo-style, on a beach. I don't remember getting paid much for that one. I think we got something like 50 bucks and a double-donger.

Next, we finagled a song into the "hit" Jeremy Piven vehicle, "PCU." I've watched the movie probably 10 times and I have yet to hear our song in there, but regardless, I receive a check, like the one above, about four times a year. Straight to the kiddies' college fund with those babies!

We also had a song in the movie "Kingpin," and my checks are usually a lot bigger when that movie is doing the cable TV rounds. I usually pull in around $3.47 a quarter for that one... which is NICE!

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, when you hear a musician or an actor say what a difficult job they have and how people just don't understand all the work that goes into it and that they really do work hard for all that money... well, don't believe the hype, people. I've got songs in three major motion pictures and, based on the coinage I'm pulling in from royalties, I'll be quitting the old rat race and retiring down to Cabo Wabo in about 40,000 years.

Save me a cold one, Hagar!

No comments: