Monday, April 24, 2006

Sure! Send 'Em on Over!

Well, it was "all-the-parents-decided-to-send-their-kids-to-our-goddamn-house" day today. I didn't mind but I would never have the nards to walk over to a neighbor's house, with my kid in tow, and say, "Oh hi, my daughter wanted to come over to your house and play today, is that all right?" What am I going to do, say "Oh, well, now that my kid sees your kid here and they're both jumping up and down and can't wait to play together, and it's not like I had anything else to do this afternoon anyway, I'd love to help you out but you know, fuck off and babysit your own kid for the afternoon."

Haven't these people heard of a fucking telephone? What the shit?!

It turned out that two moms and one nanny pulled that crap on me today and the place was crawling with youth. It was fun, though. They were running around, entertaining themselves and I actually had a few minutes to sweep/rake the Magnolia barf off of the driveway/lawn and extract some slaggy feculence from the clogged gutters.

I only had to intervene once when Mr. Z started playing tag with Miss O and her friends Miss A and Miss L. They were chasing him around the lawn and it was quite the wholesome scene when things took a nasty turn. One of them managed to tackle the athletically challenged Mr. Z and they all piled on after that. It sounded like they were having fun, all giggles and flailing limbs, until I heard a panicked Mr. Z screaming, "DAD! DAD! GET 'EM OFF ME! I CAN'T BREATHE! HELP!"

Luckily, I was able to extract him from the vicious girly scrum, but I had a hard time keeping a straight face. He's like four feet taller than all of them but if I didn't intervene, he'd probably still be out there. Poor guy never had a chance.

Did I mention the girls were all wearing ballet shoes and tiaras?

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