Friday, October 30, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 039

10.29.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: So tonight Commons served gnocchi. And it was actually... GOOD. What the hell?! It was better than the gnocchi from the Italian place in town*, so... make of that what you will. I had two helpings of it, the second with tomato cream sauce that was much better than the pesto (gnocchi and pesto don't mix). Also, that turkey burger looked suspiciously like red meat, but I took a risk anyway and it was definitely turkey (and not bad, at that). It just looked... crusty and pink on the outside. Of course, I prevented the #CarbOverload with my daily greens.

This meal's color palette:

*First off, "the Italian place in town" is so awful that saying something is better than it is like saying gonorrhea is better than anal warts. It's like walking into a morgue for Italian decor and food that has simply lost its collective will to live. I'm fairly sure Jimmy Hoffa is buried in their soup and salad bar, beneath the inch-thick skin that was covering the macaroni, mashed potatoes and cod balls. That said, I'm glad Mr. Z enjoyed the gnocchi... twice. And washed it down with a burger (we might have been able to see some of that crusty pinkness reflected in the color palette had he parted the buns a bit). Still no pizza sightings -- he's either kicked his habit or he's secretly scoring slices on the mean streets of Beloit. Either way, I'm glad he's hopped upon the nightly salad bandwagon. I'm glad and so is his GI motility.

10.29.15 Dessert

Mr. Z.: Dessert bonus: red velvet cupcake with Oreo frosting. I'm not sure why Commons has been so on top of their dessert game lately, but I'm not complaining. Anything that lets me skip out on their geode cookies.

This dessert's color palette:

That does look good. And kudos to Mr. Z for not eating a second one with tomato cream sauce.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

What Mr. Z. Eats: Meal 038

10.28.15 Dessert

MR. Z.: I had this for dessert. It was labeled as a "Better Than Anything Cake." Naturally, I was skeptical, but then I ate it and... oh my god. It was probably the best cake I've ever had. It was perfectly moist, the frosting was distributed just the right amount, there were toffee chips on the top, and it was just... just heavenly, really. They need to serve this kind of quality dessert every day.

This meal's color palette:

I'm pretty sure that's the first time Mr. Z. has ever used the word "heavenly." The only other time he may have uttered it was when he saw first laid eyes on Luna Lovegood. Okay, chef, a challenge has been thrown down. You've got the boy riled up about your desserts -- let's see you put some of that energy into your entrees. I'm not saying that you should change the menu, mind you. I'm just suggesting that it might not be a bad idea to sprinkle some toffee chips on tomorrow's Tater Tot Pizza.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 037

10.26.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: I decided to try to be (relatively) healthy tonight. No pizza all day. I mean, I got an ice cream bar later, but it's progress. Pasta with tomato pesto cream sauce, or something, then cauliflower and my daily greens. It was on fleek. Actually, no, it was like 8/10.

This meal's color palette:

Look at that plate! Look at that palette! It's happening -- Mr. Z is becoming a gastronome! Or a gastropod. Or maybe he just has gas. Maybe that's what "fleek" is. The point is, he didn't eat pizza for an entire day! This calls for a celebration! Pizza party?

Friday, October 23, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 036

10.28.15 Lunch

MR. Z.: So, today was "Apple Fest" at Commons. That means exactly what you'd expect -- everything there had something to do with apples. Like, actually everything. Pictured here is (clockwise) a bagel with apples and raisins or something, apple encrusted chicken (which was REALLY good and I got lots more of it), an apple cider donut and apple flatbread with cheddar cheese. Then, of course, there's also the caramel apple and some apple juice (but then I later found out there was hot apple cider too, so I got that). And this was only Round 1 -- my friends and I all definitely went back for more. I feel like tonight I'll probably get Applerrhea, but it was entirely worth it.

This meal's color palette:

It's nice to see the kitchen mixing things up for a change. I can't wait to see what the chef whips up during December's "Pancreas Fest." (By the way, Mr. Z, I suggest laying down a tarp before hitting the hay tonight. Where there's apples, there's usually "apple sauce.")

Monday, October 19, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: "Meal" 035

10.19.15 Dessert

MR. Z.: This is a "Cocoa Puff Treat" I got at Commons. It may or may not have actually been a coprolite.

This meal's color palette:

Yes, Mr. Z is back at school following an uneventful fall break at home. We filled him up with some fairly healthy victuals and now he's back at his home away from home, loading up on fossilized dino scat. It was great having him here for a week but it was also tough, because Miss O had school and the Old Lady and I had to work. He caught up on a lot of sleep and hung out in his room. It was familiar, yet different. He's growing up... and, to a certain extent, away. He talked a lot about how it was good to be home but that he really missed school and all of his friends. I guess this is how it happens -- the transition from kid to adult. Not too long ago, if he were on an overnight or a trip somewhere, he couldn't wait to get home. Now, after a few days, he's itching to get away. It sure sneaks up on you: one day your a fresh, steaming pile of dino poop and the next, you're a freakin' coprolite.

Monday, October 12, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Two Month Weigh-In

Mr. Z. is back home for a week for October break. It's great to have him around the house again and we're having a blast catching up on all of his adventures. I did notice that he's looking a might stouter than he did when we first dropped him off back in August, which should come as no surprise to anyone who's been following his college dining exploits. He decided to weigh himself to see just how much of an effect his all-pizza diet has had. The result? Well, you know phrase the "freshman 15," which refers to the amount of weight a first-year college student tends to gain during their first year of school? Guess who achieved the freshman 15 in seven weeks? (He always has been an overachiever.) Luckily he's started eating a salad with his dinners, or he'd have to start wearing Hammer pants. I think he's learned a few valuable lessons, however...

  1. Pizza is not a garnish and is a meal privilege, not a meal right.
  2. Fruits and vegetables are great colon motivators and can add some variation to any meal's color palette.
  3. Just because the cafeteria offers something called "Oreo pizza," it doesn't mean that a) they should, and 2) you should put it in your mouth.

Bleh. That thing looks like Jackie Gleason's diabetic foot from the movie "Nothing in Common."

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meals 033 & 034

10.6.15 Lunch

MR. Z.: So for lunch I finally went to Java Joint and got a sack lunch with a couple of friends from class! An actual turkey sandwich, an apple, chips, chocolate milk, string cheese, and Scooby-Doo fruit snacks. Probably the most real lunch I've had yet -- it was better than anything I ate all through high school.

This meal's color palette:

String cheese and Scooby-Doo fruit snacks? They really do put the "joint" in Java Joint. That is a solid lunch, though. I've been trying to get Mr. Z to check out the alternative dining offerings on campus since he's gotten there. I'm glad it finally paid off. All that was missing from that lunch sack was a toy.

10.6.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: Dinner... let's just say that Commons had a "chicken fajita pizza" on display and, yes, I got it (of course, with the token slice of cheese pizza, too), and yes, I'm ready for the incoming bowelsplosion. The rest of the meal was fine, too.

This meal's color palette:

Aaaaand we're back to the pizza. I sharted just looking at that plate. Two slices of "fajita pizza," which I'm pretty sure is not even a thing, a slice of cheese pizza, a mound of pasta with either alfredo sauce or Miracle Whip... or both, a salad and a glass of chocolate milk. Not that he has to worry about it at this point in his life but what could the fat content possibly be in this meal? He's basically assembled a deconstructed version of one of those Domino's bread bowl pasta monstrosities. I know for a fact that we're going to get a bill at the end of the semester for a minimum of three scorched toilets. Right now, this undigestible mass is lumbering through his colon and those adorable Scooby-Doo fruit snacks are so terrified at its approaching brutality that they're melting like that Nazi from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Monday, October 05, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 032

10.5.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: Balanced dinner, eh? It wasn't TOO bad. There was finally some olive oil vinaigrette, so I didn't have to use the disgusting "ranch" they've had on display for a while. Pizza was fine and I took a risk with the tomato soup -- guess what? It was literally a bowl of marinara sauce. I still consumed like half of it (with the help of that roll and the oyster crackers) before giving up and getting an apple instead.

This meal's color palette:

Frankly, I can't really complain about this meal -- look at that color palette: green, silly putty, shart, band-aid and skeleton. All of the five major food groups represented. Although, I hate to break it to you, Mr. Z. -- I'm pretty sure that IS marinara sauce. I think you accidentally visited the pasta bar and ladled some Prego into your bowl. You can even it out tomorrow by eating a bowl of dry pasta.

(Tip for Tuesday: I peeked at tomorrow's menu and I'd like to suggest the chicken scampi or the Rosemary Ranch Ferndale Farms turkey. Or if you want to stay in your comfort zone but stretch just a little, go for the spinach and artichoke pizza. Or you can just get a bowl of alfredo sauce. Your call.)

Friday, October 02, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 031

10.2.15 Lunch

MR. Z.: This is what Commons calls a "tuna melt." It was actually an English muffin with a glob of sickly brown tuna on top, covered up by a Kraft single. I don't know how I managed it down my throat. Those onion rings were pretty decent, at least. (The rest of my lunch was pizza and a salad, shockingly.)

This meal's color palette:

A Kraft single in Wisconsin?! That's just lazy cooking, chef. I thought the roads there were paved with Jarlsberg and the rivers flowed with liquid Gruyere. That's more like a despondency melt. At least toast the damn muffin. Let's take a gander at today's menu...

"Tuna Melts on English Muffin." Does it? I think the only thing melting on that muffin is the polyisobutylene in that fraudulent cheez. Mr. Z, you should've gone for the turkey vegetable soup, the vegetarian fried rice or the roasted vegetable lasagna with rosemary new potatoes. Even the naked pasta sounds less depressing than that tunuffin-melt. Look at that -- they have braised pork jowl and lamb fried rice but they can't cough up a legit piece of cheese? Get it together, chef!

Thursday, October 01, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 030

10.1.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: This soup was shit. That's really all you need to know. I gave up like three "bites" in and got a salad and an apple instead. Yes, I picked SALAD over it. This is what I get for trying new stuff.

This meal's color palette:

Even the color palette went double-wide on the butt-gravy hue. Methinks he may have picked up the chef's colostomy bowl by mistake. I asked Mr. Z what flavor it was and he said, "onion something." Three guesses as to what the "something" was. The fact that it seems to have sprayed over the rim sure doesn't help matters. But hey, at least he tried a new dish. Luckily he had a couple of on-deck pizza slices as backup. See? He's already learning to plan ahead. Who says colleges don't teach real world skills?