Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Adverbs?! Oh No! I Didn't Even Study!

I put a new twist on an old dream the other night. It seemed like the run-of-the-mill stress dream in which I had blown off a class all year and now I had to take a major exam and was completely unprepared. The twist was that I was a student in my son's third grade class and I sat right behind him. Of course, he was prepared but he wouldn't let me copy off of his paper. Ungrateful bastard. It was amazingly stressful, considering how absurd the premise was.

Anywhich, I was relating the dream to my son and ended up saying something like, "Yeah, it was a total stress dream."

Mr. Z replied, "Oh, I know about those. I have those almost every night. All my dreams are love dreams. Falling in love with a different person each night. And it's people I don't even know. It's embarrassing."

Wow. Is that what stress dreams are to a seven-year-old? Falling in love with a different girl each night?! Anonymous, serial crushing?! If so, sign me up. I mean, where's the stress? Is he having a hard time making reservations at restaurants? Is he pulling a Peter Brady with two girls at once? More importantly, is he using protection?

I don't know. It just cracked me up. I just imagine him in his dream, all googley-eyed over some fourth grader and she's standing by her locker, popping her gum or something. Then she turns and locks onto his gaze and he bolts up in bed, all sweaty and out of breath. "Oh my god! What a nightmare! Oh, how stressful!"

The kid kills me.

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