Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Zoinks! I'm Board!

For some reason, I've gone all board-gamey with the spawnage lately. Over the weekend, Mr. Z and I busted out the Heroscape game that we got him for his birthday, and, lo, battles were a-waged. It's pretty cool, in an extremely nerdariffic way. The problem is, the boy kicked my warrior ass. See, it sucks because you're completely at the mercy of the fucking battle dice.

For example, he rolled three skulls to my one shield. So he wins the battle, right? But what the shit -- I've got Mimring: Dragon from Icaria -- a colossal prehistoric dragon-beast, and he's got Krav Maga -- some puny Matrix-wannabee she-minx?!

Bullshit, I tell you! In real life, a single drop of my acidic demon drool would have eaten right through her polyester pant-suit, and melted her brittle bones into a puddle of gurgling goo. These fucking game-makers today -- where's the realism?!

And then, yesterday, Miss O, Mr. Z and I played a rousing game of "Scooby-Doo Hide & Shriek" that just about drove me Scooby-daft.

Mr. Z kept trying to cheat and peek at everyone's cards, and Miss O -- holy carp, she was driving me INSANE! In the game, you can move your piece in either direction around the board, and she kept going back and forth over the same goddamn spot, over and over and over! She'd land on a space, look to see if it matched one of her cards -- it didn't -- and then on her next turn, she'd go back to THE EXACT SAME SPACE AGAIN AND LOOK AT THE EXACT SAME CARD THAT STILL DIDN'T FUCKING MATCH! I'd say, "Hey Miss O, why don't you go the OTHER direction this time?" and she'd say, "No thanks, I want to go this way." Oh my fuck, I could feel the veins in my head ballooning and preparing to pop, but I eventually just let go, and the whole thing became a very zen exercise. Mr. Z cheated his way to a win, Miss O eventually ventured to another part of the board and took second, and I, along with my "Daphne" avatar, peacefully accepted the loss with grace and dignity.

Although I would've fucking won if it weren't for those meddling kids!


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