Friday, September 07, 2007


I'm fucking sick again, goddammit. Total ubervirus hit me -- woke up fine yesterday and by 5:00 p.m., I was coughing shit up from the sputum-splattered nether regions of my withered lungs and my throat felt like I had gargled with pink Owens Corning insulation. What the shit am I busting my ass swimming for?! For this?! Motherfucker!

And I never know what to do when I start coughing shit up from my lungs. In the olden days, (my "wan, sickly days" as I lovingly recall them), I'd immediately go to the doctor and whine until the doc gave me some antibiotics and that would be that. Now that I don't really get sick very often anymore (HA!), I usually just wait it out and it usually ends up being viral and it goes away on its own. And I always get sick at the end of the fucking week, so even if I did want to go to the doc, it's too late. So I either have to sit on my ass all weekend and hack/hock, or go to one of those fucking "urgent care" cesspools, see some doc-flunkie/trainee who doesn't know fuck, and then end up catching some other goddamn disease from the snot/spore-littered waiting room.

I think my new fake tooth has compromised my immune system. Or maybe the fake tooth is the only healthy part of my body now. Maybe I should just replace the rest of my body with gold and porcelain.

That's it -- I'm gonna get me a shiny new "body crown."

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