Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Women of Crabby Club... (and Innis)

Well, while the Innisbrook website doesn't seem to be crediting Mr. Z with any of your purchases (yet!), I am humbled by all of your generositude. Hopefully, they'll award him the pointages, and he'll be well on his way to his first, shiny piece-o-crap!

I do feel as if I owe something to you all, though, for foisting such rubbish upon yourselves. Therefore, anyone who orders crap from this place:

Don't forget to buy crappy drek to help Mr. Z win shitty prizes!!!!

(holy fuck, he pitched it again, the bastard!) will receive a FREE/GRATIS/UNRECOMPENSED/CUFFO copy of the forthcoming Mr. Z and Miss O CD, due whenever I shift my lazy ass into gear. Yes, you'll get all your favorites:

"Dracula's Walk Day"
"A Cool Pair of Shoes (Is All I Need)"

Plus, brand newies, like:

"Stinky McSewer Theme Song"
"My Pet Peeve"
"The Toilet Duet"

So, I'm keeping track. So far I've got Nora, Sarah, Innis, Monica, and Kim. If you've purchased something and your name's not in that list, lemme know. If you haven't purchased anything, well then, you either hate children and want to see Mr. Z flunk out of school, or you're already flush with bath salts and inferior chocolate novelties. Either way... no CD for you!

Now I've got to go write an angry e-mail to the sales department, and then go catch the latest episode of my new, favorite televised black-tar heroin, "Mad Men."

Nighty night!


Kim said...

Oohh...Mad Men! That show IS televised crack for sure!

Let's travel back to those good-old-bad-old-days, when everyone smoked, even pregnant women, drank heavily in their offices, and let their children play with plastic dry cleaning bags.

LOVE IT! (P.S. I knew during the very first episode that the art dude was gay. I love it when my gaydar is right.)

crabbydad said...

Kim, I could smell his gayness, as well. I think the article in the NY Times about how the actor who plays him owns a "fine gifts and elegant home accessories" shop in New Orleans with his partner kind of tipped the scales as well. That show just rocks! It's like a depressing, behind-the-scenes look at Darren Stevens and Larry Tate from "Bewitched." Sure wish I could have seven martini lunch. Bastards.

Kim said...

Don Draper is indeed the evil Darren Stephens.

Did Mr. Z ever get his Innisbrook crap credit? The women of Crabbydad will revolt if he doesn't...

No, we're not revolting. We'll revolt. There's a difference!

fellow Grinnellian said...

I kind of tried to buy something to support the ambitious if misguided Mr. Z. But that's some seriously overpriced junk. $20 for some peppermints? And that weird assortment of "gifts"? Plus the web site is just plain BAD. I hope the schools my kids end up in come up with something better for fundraising. What an awful part of being the parent of a school-aged child . . .

crabbydad said...

Kim, the credits have finally been assigned to Mr. Z's account, so save your revolt until you get the crap you ordered. Then, feel free to storm the Innisbrook headquarters.

Greetings Fellow Grinnellian and please, don't feel bad about not going for the peppermints. I'm so pissed that they're making kids sell this crap. I was thinking of finding an alternate fundraising company to suggest to the school board (you know, something with products that HUMANS might enjoy) but then the Old Lady reminded me that if I did that, I would most likely be put in charge of it.

So it looks like Mr. Z's sellin' him some $20 peppermints.

Evan said...

Looking forward to my new subscription to Essence! said...

Hey Crabmaster,
I just bought some chanuka gift wrapping paper from that god-forsaken website even though I can't wrap anything for shit! I've never been much of a holiday shopper but now that that's done I've completed 87% of my chanuka/xmas shopping-so thanks to Mr Z!! I might just cut off pieces of the beautiful wrap and actually give them as gifts. Thanks again from a beersoaked-facemelting band mate of Pete C. aka Stinky Pete

Innisanimate said...

I feel almost famous with the call the Title, even. (Said in a bad imitation of Snagglepuss) But how could I not support a company called Innisbrook. And I'm seriously stoked about the CD. That is awesome. WASHCLOTH!!

crabbydad said...

Wow, Evan, Petey and Innis comments! Representin' for the fellas! I thank you, Mr. Z thanks you and, most of all, Innisbrook thanks you for helping them unload more of their crap. You have been added to the "free CD" list. I may even wrap your CDs in sparkly Hanukkah wrapping paper!

Innisanimate said...

Update re: Innisbrook order...

I am now the proud recipient of a subscription to (drumroll please) SPORTS FUCKING ILLUSTRATED!?!?! Arrgh... I ordered Entertainment Weekly. Good times. ;)

I think next time, I'll just send Mr.Z a $20 bill, or buy him ANYTHING on the prize list, or perhaps donate a new wing to his school. ;)

I can't wait for that CD, it'll make it all worthwhile.