Monday, September 10, 2007

That's My Bad Ear...

I finally harvested the single ear of corn that Miss O planted in the garden at the beginning of the summer. It looked impressive enough:

That is, until I shucked the fucker.

Look at that! One, single kernel!? Those goddamn Japanese beatles ate every fucking kernel except one. Understandably, Miss O was a tad miffed. She asked, half-heartedly, "Can I eat that kernel?" Cue the sound-effect of the icy shell on my heart melting. I told her that she probably shouldn't, because it was probably rotten, and she was pretty cool with it. So, the corn was a bust, but the 'maters more than made up for it. We're still pulling cherry 'maters off the vine. It'll be nice when they stop popping up, actually, so I can go back to producing well-formed turds again.

My chest cold is still a-lingerin' -- still hockin' up the morning lung balls that loop over the shower drain until I "saw" them off with my big toe. It'll be nice to get back to my normal wheezy self soon. Sorry my posts have been so fucking carpy of late but I can't seem to form a cohesive thought when my gray matter is cocooned in green matter.

I've decided that when (if?) I get better, I'm going to buckle down and record more shit with the spawnage. They've both got a assload of songs ready to go and I wanna finish up the CD before my next illness. Let's see, there was stomach flu, chest cold -- I guess the next one up is either leprosy or Candiru infestation:

I've gotta stop peeing in the lake.


nora said...

Not to go all farm-girl on you, but I think the problem with the sweet corn was the lack of proper pollinization. If bugs were the problem there would have been a brown icky gloppy mess where the kernels used to be.
Next year have her plant them in a block, three or four short rows.
You can also help the pollinization along by plucking a tassle (boy part) and running it over the silks of the ears (girl part) while whispering sweet nothings--a little in vitro fertilization vs. letting Mother Nature do her thing.

crabbydad said...

Well, Nora, I guess my parents never gave me the ol' "tassles & silks" talk when I was a lad. Thanks for the pointers. Hey, maybe if I run my tassle over the Old Lady's silks, she'll go all farm-girl on me. She is from Iowa, and all.

Wait... did I say that out loud?

Jerry said...

That ear of corn was just too sad.

And that video was damn scary. I ain't ever going to the Amazon!