Both of the spawnages were off on playdates today, so, with the Old Lady and I home alone on a Saturday afternoon, there was only one logical thing to do... yep, we installed the new mailbox. And that is not a euphemism... unfortunately.
With the house newly painted and all (and holy fuckshit, that's another post, by the way) we thought it was high time we ditched the old mailbox, that has been giving our mail carrier tetanus for the last three years. So, it was out with the old:
... and in with the new:
My nipples are rock hard just looking at that photo. It's a shame we're still gonna receive the same shit-ass mail in that thing. I'm going to have to start subscribing to "Mailbox Fancy" magazine now.
Anywhich, while I was busy stripping the screw heads as I tried to affix this monster to the post, the Old Lady was digging all the little white rocks the previous owners had sprinkled around the base of the post. See, we're not "little-white-rocks-around-the-base-of-things" people. And we're not shiny globe in the garden people, or Easter flag on the porch people, or inflatable Sparty on the roof people. And if we ever become those people, hunt us down and shoot us in the eyes.
So, she's diggin' away and she sees this thing sticking out of the dirt at the base of the post:
I asked her what the shit it was and she had no idea. So she pulled it out of the dirt, and it was something plastic wrapped in an old baggie. [cue "Twin Peaks" music] She opened the bag and...
AAAAHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!?!?! It's either some weird religious talisman, or the creeps who lived here before us worshiped Robert Wadlow:
Whatever it was, I wanted no part of it (after I took pictures of it for the blog, of course). I didn't see what the Old Lady did with it until I was cleaning up the front porch and found something in the old doorbell hole:
I just hope we have enough time to enjoy the new mailbox before someone smotes us.