Saturday, September 29, 2007

Idol Hands...

Both of the spawnages were off on playdates today, so, with the Old Lady and I home alone on a Saturday afternoon, there was only one logical thing to do... yep, we installed the new mailbox. And that is not a euphemism... unfortunately.

With the house newly painted and all (and holy fuckshit, that's another post, by the way) we thought it was high time we ditched the old mailbox, that has been giving our mail carrier tetanus for the last three years. So, it was out with the old:



... and in with the new:



My nipples are rock hard just looking at that photo. It's a shame we're still gonna receive the same shit-ass mail in that thing. I'm going to have to start subscribing to "Mailbox Fancy" magazine now.

Anywhich, while I was busy stripping the screw heads as I tried to affix this monster to the post, the Old Lady was digging all the little white rocks the previous owners had sprinkled around the base of the post. See, we're not "little-white-rocks-around-the-base-of-things" people. And we're not shiny globe in the garden people, or Easter flag on the porch people, or inflatable Sparty on the roof people. And if we ever become those people, hunt us down and shoot us in the eyes.

So, she's diggin' away and she sees this thing sticking out of the dirt at the base of the post:



I asked her what the shit it was and she had no idea. So she pulled it out of the dirt, and it was something plastic wrapped in an old baggie. [cue "Twin Peaks" music] She opened the bag and...



AAAAHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!?!?! It's either some weird religious talisman, or the creeps who lived here before us worshiped Robert Wadlow:



Whatever it was, I wanted no part of it (after I took pictures of it for the blog, of course). I didn't see what the Old Lady did with it until I was cleaning up the front porch and found something in the old doorbell hole:



I just hope we have enough time to enjoy the new mailbox before someone smotes us.

13 comments:

nora said...

Hee! That was Saint Joseph buried upside down in your yard.

Superstition says that will help sell your house.
Guess it worked.

Maybe Mr. Z. should bury him wrapped in an Innisbrook catalogue to help sell more wrapping paper and socks. javascript:void(0)

Kim said...

Those wacky Catholics! I tell you, they'll stop at nothing to sell their houses. Many times, though, it's the real estate agent who plants ol' St. Joe in the yard, unbeknownst to the homeowner.

You can even buy a kit! http://stjosephstatue.com/

natasha said...

I was going to say what your other commenters said. The real estate agent puts it there, I don't think it really is a religious thing, oddly. I know this from watching Flipping Out on Bravo. God forbid I should get any information from a book.

Innisanimate said...

Hey, I think that new mailbox was a part of Andy Kauffman in the movie HeartBeeps. ;)

crabbydad said...

Nora, Kim & Natasha, you're like my own, personal religious wikipedia. For some reason, I'm not as worried about being smoted (smited? smote? smitten?) by a dude named "Joe." By the way, what do I get when I bury St. Joseph upside-down in my garbage can? (Methinks it's a 'sploded toilet.)

Innis, you are so right. Total Heartbeeps. Thanks for ruining my mailbox for me forever.

Monica said...

Hmmm... St. Joseph was not one of the more vengeful saints but I would be very careful come March 19...

seizuresalad said...

Dude, did you crack it open to see what was IN it??? There hadda be something in there.

crabbydad said...

Seizure, I did crack it open. And, as suspected, it was filled with nougat.

Sarah said...

First you unbury a saint and THEN you bring my grandmother's pal into it? While I'm sure you are constantly awed by breadth of the crabbydad fanbase life experience... you should be pleased to know that my grandmother and Mr. Wadlow were chums (and not the fish kind). Wonder what other connections the Six Degrees of Crabbydad would unearth?

nora said...

Sarah,
Do you have a photograph of your grandmother and Mr. Wadlow? Stories, tell us stories...um, you could like start a blog or something...hint, hint.

crabbydad said...

Holy crap, Nora's right. Sarah, we've got to see pictures, preferably of your grandma riding on Robert Wadlow's shoulders! And what other info are you holding out on?! Did your great aunt once give a manicure to that swami dude with the longest fingernails?! We need documentation, dammit!!

Sarah said...

I don't believe there are photos, sadly. However, i'll double check! I know we never thought a photo of her in her basketball uniform from 1925 existed...and we found one. Yes..a woman's basketball team in Alton, Illinois in the 1920s! My grandmother was not oddly tall, by the way. I'll think about other connections that might wow you all. But, I kind of placed my ace on the first hand.

Tee said...

There has been an increase of St. Joseph burials with the slumping housing market. Even non-Catholics are getting desperate and doing it. I read an article in the news the other day about it and wondered if anyone ever accidentally found one.

Now I know. LOL.