Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Those Who Can't, Teach... Gym

Mr. Z came home all pissed yesterday about his gym class. His gym "teacher" sounds like a total Mr. Woodcock-asswipe. Apparently, they had to do an eight minute run (why the shit for, I know not... he's a child of the MIND for fuck's sake) and at one point, Mr. Z stopped to tie his shoe. Professor Turfshoe yelled at him for stopping, "What are you doing, Z?! You can't stop! Get going!!!"

Then, apparently, while running with an untied shoe, Mr. Z, logically, tripped. Again, Dr. Dodgeball yells, "What are you tripping for, Z?! Watch where you're going!!!" So, understandably, the boy was fucking pissed.

I told him:

ME: Hmm... sounds like your teacher put you into a double bind, or what's known as a paradox. See, you tripped over your shoelace and that got your teacher mad. But stopping to tie your shoelace also got him mad. So there's nothing you can do in that situation that won't get him mad.

MR. Z: I know?!! What was I supposed to do?!

ME: Well, you could've said, "Mr. D, you're trapping me in a bit of a paradox here. There's really no course of action on my part that won't result in you getting mad at me."

MR. Z: I'm not going to say that!

Then I remembered Mr. Z mentioning that this quasi-teacher is one of those people who pronounces the days of the week like, "Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee, etc." You know... a moron?

So I told him that he can always just say, "Well, Mr. D, I'll just be sure to tie my shoelaces extra tight on Thursdee."

And I'll be expecting a note from Mr. D on Fridee.

5 comments:

Kim said...

Those who can, do. Those who can't read teach gym.

Is there some unwritten law someplace that says gym teachers MUST be huge asshats?

Anonymous said...

I think the term you are looking for is a catch 22

crabbydad said...

Actually, I was a psych major, Anon, so I'll stick with "double-bind." But "Catch-22" was a heller of a good idea, though.

Monica said...

I think we need to change SBP from Suicide By Police to Suicide By Pun.

crabbydad said...

Or Capital Pun-ishment?