Tuesday, January 23, 2007

How to Rune Your Night...

So, Mr. Z has been kinda bummin' lately about this game that a bunch of kids in his class play that he's not allowed to play. It's called "Runescape" and it's apparently this online sim-type medieval game where you go around on quests, and slay dragons, all while chatting with 47 year-old men pretending to be 12 year-old apothecarists.

Well, a while ago, a couple of his friends told him that they played it and he asked us if he could check it out. He mentioned that there was killing and shit in it and we told him that we didn't think it sounded appropriate for an 8 year-old, so there you go. True to Mr. Z form, he instantly polarized on the issue and decided that none of his friends should be experiencing such a diabolical game, and started telling them that it was inappropriate for them to be playing it. We, of course, told him that, contrary to what he might have thought, he was not the boss of them and that, if their parents wanted to be derelict and irresponsible, well, then so be it.

Anywhich, it's gone back and forth -- some days he hates us because we're forbidding him to do what his friends do, and other days he hates his friends because they're pillaging, murderous hoodlums.

Tonight, for some reason, I finally decided to check this game's look, just to see what it was all about. I signed in, took the tutorial on how catch shrimp and smelt ore, and started walking around in my leather lace-up blouse and capri-length pantaloons. I have to say, Runescape is one of the most frustrating, mind-numbing, pieces of medieval butt-gravy I've ever experienced. Holy shitfuck, I literally almost punched my monitor.

According to the homepage, there are currently 144,804 people playing this miserable waste of Java code. I don't know if that makes me angry or sad. It makes me sangry, is what it does. I was walking around, trying to click on shit, and there were hundreds of other virtual losers in my way, trying to hit me or stab me or sell me a goose, then I'd walk by some asshole wizard trying to cast a spell on a sheep... no wonder there's so much fucking violence in the game -- people are just trying to get other players to kill them so they can log off and get back to popping their backne while watching G4TV and reading their graphic novels.

I almost feel like letting the boy play it so he can see how fucking awful it is and so he can stop hating his friends for being violent, and start hating them because they're giant dillweeds.


Jon said...

Definitely time to scare him straight. May I suggest a Renaissance Faire?

crabbydad said...

Seriously! If I don't act now, soon he'll start juggling, and then... [shudder] Society for Creative Anachronism!