Actually, I Go by Jack Penis...

It's late and I've got to get some fucking sleep, but I have to mention a minor, nay, major faux pas I pulled today. Wait, does one "pull" a faux pax? I guess, if it looks like it needs some pullin'. Anywhich, we were driving back from sledding today, at this giant fucking mountain of a sledding hill. We had heard about it from some neighbors and thought we'd check its look. It was like Pike's Fucking Peak. Scary as shit... but that's another story, and since I didn't bring my goddamn camera, it'll have to wait.

So, we're driving home and Miss O called Mr. Z by his full name. For some reason, Mr. Z's not a fan of his real name. He's actually Mr. E, but we never call him that. So, he's saying how he's embarrassed by his real name.

MR. Z: Don't call me that! It's embarrassing!

ME: What do you mean it's embarrassing. You have an awesome name!

MR. Z: No way, it's totally embarrassing.

ME: Look, it's not like your name is... I don't know... "Johnny Penis."

And there you go. The old lady shot me a look like, "No you dihn-unh," and Mr. Z and Miss O exploded into hysterics that lasted, well, basically until we put them to bed about four hours later.

I, of course, thought their reaction was fucking hilarious, and I literally almost drove into the oncoming traffic because I was laughing so hard. By the time we got home, tears were streaming down all of our eyes, and "Johnny Penises" were flying everywhere, along with "Vicky Vulva" and Miss O's "Bobby Butt."

So, I don't think I really made my point very effectively... although maybe I did. I'll never know. I do know, though, that after awhile, I pretty sick of Mr. Z running around screaming "Johnny Penis," and I said, "Look, dude, that's enough, okay? It was funny buy now you've gotta stop." Of course, the old lady called me out on my hypocrisy, saying, "You can't dangle 'Johnny Penis' out there and then just snatch him away when you don't think it's funny anymore. It's your fault." She had a point, but the boy was killing the fucking joke and he had to learn a lesson about comedic restraint. In other words, don't beat Johnny Penis into the ground.

That's a great band name, though.