Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Don't Get Shart-Changed...

Quickie post tonight 'cuz I'm working on Mr. Z's "Guanaco Land" song. Looks like it's going to have a 12-string Byrds kinda thing going on. We'll see.

So, I brought him down to the basement after dinner to double his voice on the chorus part of the song, and I forgot that I had one of my IM windows open on-screen. One co-worker sent me this link for the "Brief Safe," a covert and burglar-proof stash to hide your "Brownjamins":

[click here for a full desCRAPtion]

So, of course, I had to IM the link to A, at work, as she's the one most likely to be repulsed by such an image. She IM'd back:

A: I just bought two.

So I typed:

ME: I could've had Mr. Z make you some for free!

Har-har, wacky office fun.

Cut to tonight, and Mr. Z saw the above conversation in the IM window smack-dab in the middle of my monitor. He said:

Mr. Z: Hey! What could I have made for free?

ME: Oh, nothing. [supressed laughter]


ME: [blowing snot out of my nose] Seriously, nothing. It's not about you.

Well, he refused to sing until I told him, so, I told him.

ME: Well, there's this fake underwear with fake poop skidmarks on it for people to store their valuables. It's kinda like a safe... with poop on it. So burglars wouldn't touch it... because of the poop... unless that's the kind of thing they're into stealing... because some people like--oh, forget it. Anyway, I sent a picture of it to someone at work, and then I said that, if they liked it, I could send them a couple pairs of your underwear instead.

Mr. Z: Ha! That's hilarious! Good one!

ME: Thanks.

Then he recorded his part, as promised. Though I have to say, the boy has never really had any skidderinos on his undies. Of all kids, I'd think he would, but they're wipeout-free. Which is good, 'cuz I don't think I could handle a kid who leaves shitsidue on his napsters.

Anywhich... back to the song.


Jon said...

Why not just have a safe and then shit on the combination dial?

crabbydad said...

Not a bad idea, Jon. Though I'd have a safe and then shit on the money and jewels inside. Make 'em crack the combo before hitting the booty.

Heh... crack... booty...

EOB said...

I suggest keeping your money in a brown paper bag that also contains a few bowel movements. Keep the bag next to a match that is attached to the back of a matchbook. This way, when the cat burglar lifts the paper bag, the match is struck and the bag lights on fire. Then when the burglar stomps on the fire, they get their shoes covered in your poo. This is much more reliable than leaving bags of liquid shit in the paper bag along with small explosives that go off when the burglar opens the bag.

crabbydad said...

Why not cut out the middleman and just shove all your money up your asshole?

Jon said...

I was going to add that you could probably just eat the money and jewels and then crap them out to get a more complete "mixture", but I thought I'd be overstepping the mark.