Had a good day with Miss O, today. Played dinosaurs for awhile, she helped me sharpen the blades on the "Grass Ripper," and then we went to Menards to get some boards. But we didn't get any boards. Why? Because I can't fucking pull the trigger on any sort of home-improvement chore, that's why!
I don't know what it is -- I just needed some 2x6s to build me a raised bed for a vegetable garden I've been thinking of "crafting." But then I get there, and they have like 500 different kinds of boards. Oak? Pine? Cedar?! It's my whole commitment thing again -- "What if I pick the wrong kind of wood?! What if it warps?! I don't know... maybe I should get back online and do more research! I JUST DON'T KNOW!" I'm such a moron.
I think I finally decided to get some of that "fake wood" I've been hearing so much about. Won't warp, won't splinter, lasts forever. I think it's made of the same shit my fake lunchmeat is made of. Hemp, or soy. Of course, they don't have it over at Menards, so I think I actually have to go over to Home Despot, where I vowed to never return again. Word on the street is that they're an evil company. I read this big expose about how all these customers and employees have been maimed or killed at their stores and their attorneys threaten the families and make them settle out of court and shit. Plus they're big old Bush supporters... I hear. I dunno, it's probably bullshit, or, more likely, Menards is just as bad and I just haven't read anything about them yet. But I've decided to boycott the Despot.
I'll probably end up buying the fake wood there... BUT I WON'T BE HAPPY ABOUT IT! I'll show them -- when they ask for my zip code... I WON'T GIVE IT TO THEM! MWAHAHAA! I might even make up a zip code. Completely screw up their database. "What's this?! This zip code doesn't even exist!?!?! Oh my GOD! All of our data has been rendered USELESS!!! CURSE YOU CRABBYDAD!!!!"
If I don't quit dickin' around, though, I'm not going to be harvesting tomatoes until November. Last year, all my 'maters had black spots on them. And by the time I buy all the wood and plants and mulch and shit, each one of my black-spotted tomatoes is going to have cost me like 10 bucks to produce. Worth it.
The shit you find yourself doing to keep a tenuous grasp on reality -- it's fucking ridiculous.
Where's that clip of Miss O laughing? I think I need it again.
8 comments:
What about build up a retaining wall with some old tyres cut in half? Car or truck tyres depending on the depth you want to create. You might be able to get them at a junk yard depot for a good price..not sure what price is good mind you. It is worth a try and the left over tyres could be used as a swing in a tree if you have a tree, or as balancing equipment for them to play on.
Just a random and probably rediculous thought :)
When any retail establishment asks for my zip code for, um, "marketing purposes," I always loudly proclaim: 90210!!
Take that, Donna Martin.
Thanks for the idea, Cazzie, but in my 'hood, putting tires in my yard is tantamount to parking a "Sanford & Son" pickup on my front lawn. Besides, I save the stacked tires for where they really belong -- in our living room.
Hey, I just tried to e-mail you some questions about the ripper sharpening methods and an long overdue note and it got sent back. Did you get it? If not, send me a note from a better address than your cereal-loving moniker at work. Love, EOB.
www.raisedontheroof.blogspot.com - get an Earthbox or two. Screw the fake wood. - Brian
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