Saturday, May 13, 2006

Gouda for You, Miss O! Whey to Go!

Holy Shit-Ass! After approximately two years of refusing to eat cheese or any vaguely cheese-like product, Miss O, of her own volition, mind you, has re-entered the world of the cheese-eaters! My head is spinning!

So, the kids are taking baths and the old lady and I, realizing we don't have shit in the house in the way of food, decide to order in some pizza for din-din. Mr. Z loves pizza, but we always have to end up getting something like "chicken fingers" for Miss O because of her (now former) "no cheese" directive. It has been a fucking pain in the ass having a child who won't eat cheese. That basically rules out 80% of the foods kids normally eat: pizza, mac & CHEESE, grilled CHEESE, string CHEESE, lasagna, CHEEESE... and a shitload of other cheesy shit I can't even think of right now.

We had basically resorted to surreptitious cheese concealment, slipping it into scrambled eggs and "bean" burritos. I don't think it even really mattered that she wasn't eating cheese -- she drinks plenty of milk and eats cottage cheese (!) and yogurt. I think we were hiding it in her food just for the satisfaction of tricking her into eating it. Silent victories are still victories, my friend.

Anywhich, I asked her if she wanted chicken fingers tonight and she said, "No, I'll have some pineapple pizza." I reminded her, "Okay, but remember, that has CHEESE in it." She paused and replied, "That's fine, dad. I like cheese."

No you dinh-unh!

I checked once more, "Are you sure?" She said she was. Fine. So, we ordered her a mini pineapple pizza and she fucking ate it!!!!! It blew my mind! We were all REALLY quiet while she was eating it -- we didn't want to fuck anything up. I gave Mr. Z the look of, "If you fuck this cheese-eating thing up, you will be forever banished from this house," and he, amazingly complied. It was fucking nuts.

So, I guess that's one less thing to bitch about. The kid eats cheese now. Cross that one off the list. Left is right, up is down, nothing makes sense anymore!

Miss O capped off the night with a great moment. She was sitting on the crapper before bed, trying to eke something out before retiring for the evening when she stood up and started pulling up her underwear. I asked:

ME: Did you poop?

MISS O: Nope.

ME: Then what's that? [pointing to a tiny rounded smellet, floating in the bowl]

MISS O: Oh, I don't know. Just something I squirted out of my butt. Maybe it's a diarrhea.

[SFX: toilet flush]

[end scene]


Dave said...

I laughed out loud. As funny as things usually are to me, I rarely actually laugh out loud. And I'm not talking about that wussy "lol" cliche bullshit either.

Just thought you should know, that's all. Thanks.

crabbydad said...

No, thank YOU, Dave. I laugh out loud too, sometimes -- to drown out my inner sobbing.

Cazzie!!! said...

OMG! crack me up....not because of the things you do and say...but because of the things your kids do and say. I can picture each moment :)

Dave said...

Sorry, Change "lol" to "OMG! ROFL" on my post. No offense, cazzie!!!

Anonymous said...

I use 100% pure liquid egg whites because the mix instantly in my shakes and foods without cooking egg whites