Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Well, We're Movin' On Up...

Have I mentioned that, after four, damp, musty years toiling away in the dewy bowels of the crabbyshack, I've finally ventured above ground and moved my office upstairs to the spare bedroom. Have I also mentioned that about four years ago, the Old Lady made this exact suggestion, but for some reason it has taken me four fucking years to pull my dumbass head out of my dumbass rectum to realize that it was a brilliant fucking idea?

I guess I'm just the kinda guy who needs to stew over things for awhile before taking action. The first year I was thinking, "I can't move all this crap upstairs into that tiny bedroom." The second year, was more like, "Hey, it's not too bad down here -- it's nice and cool in the summer, and nice and cool in the winter, and my skin never dries out because of all the moss and lichens growing on it." In year three, I thought, "Gee... my breathing's getting kinda shallow and my toes are numb... maybe I'll just put my head down for a bit and rest it off... so sleepy..." And, of course, this past year has basically been, "I'M DYING! I'M DYING!!!!"

But now I'm upstairs. With a window. And sunlight. And air. And I don't have to wear snowpants at my desk. Or fingerless gloves. And I'm less wheeze-y. And my gills have even closed up. Here's my former and current view:



Sure, I miss my friends: Frankie Furnace, Johnny Sump-Pump, the Spider family, and Toxie the Toxic Mold Patch, but I do get to visit them whenever I have to descend back down into the crevasse to record music. Which should be soon, as I'm about to take on another freelance gig to help stanch the seeping financial wound just inflicted upon me by the I-fucking-R-S. The bastards.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go stand in a darkened closet for awhile, as the burning rays of the sun are starting to take a toll on my pink eyes and my wrinkled, unpigmented naked mole rat skin.

5 comments:

Sarah said...

Thanks for the photos. Really helps to understand how it took four years to make the move. Welcome to the light.

Russ said...

I'm surprised you couldn't work some mole-man or gollum references in there!

Jasper Mockingbard said...

You started as a seed, buried underground. You were experiencing changes that you didn't understand. The tingling in your feet was only your roots taking hold within the earth. As you came to realize (or to be told) that there really isn't anything wrong with you, you started to grow. Now, as you climb closer to the sun, with branches outstretched, you will truly begin to blossom. Allow the sun to be your source of life, spawning photosynthesis throughout your cells. And soon, you'll find, your branches will be filled with crab apples.

crabbydad said...

Jasper, that was truly beautiful... sniff, sniff. You have a gift for the metaphor. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that instead of crab apples, I'm going to be producing road apples.

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