Monday, April 21, 2008

CrabbySkate 2008

Apparently, a year has passed since the crabbyfamily took an ill-advised jaunt to the school roller skating fundraiser. I swear to shit it seems like it was only yesterday that we dropped by that rink-that-time-and-deodorant-forgot, and I shattered my coccyx into a fine powder. But no, the archive confirms it -- a year.

And, apparently, the only thing that has changed in that year is that instead of photos, I have video. The first half of this clip is the tail end of the Hokey-Pokey, featuring a hip-shakin' Miss O and your's crabbily. If I look a little wooden in my hokeying and/or pokeying, it's either due to the fact that A) I can't fucking skate, or 2) I must have a giant, steaming turd in my trousers. How old am I, 200? "Not too fast there, Miss O -- remember, Daddy's got a case of the lumbago!"

The second half of the video is fucking gold. It seems that at some point, Mr. Z slipped into the alley and downed a coupla pints of Southern Comfort, 'cuz he was flopping around that floor like... like Mr. Z on roller skates. But every time he went hurtling ass first to the lumber, the dude got back up and just kept on a-flailin' along. For like and hour and a half -- he had a blast! That boy is inspiring -- he's like Rocky, if Rocky were a complete spazmo nine year old and Apollo Creed were the floor. Oh, and I get to be Burgess Meredith.

AND, at the end of the night, Mr. Z won the raffle drawing. The prize? A free pass for MORE SKATING! Xanadu? More like Xana-don't.

Anywhich, enjoy. (Oh, and extra points if you find the dead kid at the end.)

12 comments:

Innisanimate said...

That made my day. Was that the scene from Bambi at the end? Slipping on the ice. I hope all his bones are all in one piece. That looked painful.

thea said...

Have I ever mentioned that falling gets my highest rating for comedy gold?

Falling, then farts.

Hope he doesn't have too many bruises and I hope I'm not laughing at broken arm footage.

crabbydad said...

Well, he said he felt fine this morning, so I guess that proves what we've thought all along -- Mr. Z has no bones.

Thea, what if someone falls as a result of farting? Where does that fall on the humor continuum?

fellow grinnellian said...

Toooo funny! Is she actually jumping up and down on skates? He's going to kill you when he's older.

crabbydad said...

F.G., yes she is jumping, but she had those beginner skates on that are all friction-y and don't really roll too well.

And yes, Mr. Z will kill me if he ever reads this blog. And I'll deserve it.

Evan said...

I did an honest to goodness spit take watching Mr. Z skate.

Jerry said...

Wow! Hokey Pokey and Xanadu? You are living like a Rock Star, Crabbydad!

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God.
That was FANTASTIC! Kim- takes you back, does it not?

-Kim's seester (who rox the 4-wheelers)

dylan555 said...

That dead kid rocks. Absolutely rocks.

crabbydad said...

Dylan, I think you're the only one who actually found the dead kid. You win!

yet another fellow grinnellian said...

Crabbydad, that video is a thing of beauty. I wonder if Barack Obama can shake it like you:

http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/amandascott/gGCScJ

crabbydad said...

Oh c'mon, YAFG, his kids are skating but, if you'll notice, he's just wearing SHOES! Which means he's not a moron, like I am... which means I'm still voting for him.