Apparently, a year has passed since the crabbyfamily took an ill-advised jaunt to the school roller skating fundraiser. I swear to shit it seems like it was only yesterday that we dropped by that rink-that-time-and-deodorant-forgot, and I shattered my coccyx into a fine powder. But no, the archive confirms it -- a year.
And, apparently, the only thing that has changed in that year is that instead of photos, I have video. The first half of this clip is the tail end of the Hokey-Pokey, featuring a hip-shakin' Miss O and your's crabbily. If I look a little wooden in my hokeying and/or pokeying, it's either due to the fact that A) I can't fucking skate, or 2) I must have a giant, steaming turd in my trousers. How old am I, 200? "Not too fast there, Miss O -- remember, Daddy's got a case of the lumbago!"
The second half of the video is fucking gold. It seems that at some point, Mr. Z slipped into the alley and downed a coupla pints of Southern Comfort, 'cuz he was flopping around that floor like... like Mr. Z on roller skates. But every time he went hurtling ass first to the lumber, the dude got back up and just kept on a-flailin' along. For like and hour and a half -- he had a blast! That boy is inspiring -- he's like Rocky, if Rocky were a complete spazmo nine year old and Apollo Creed were the floor. Oh, and I get to be Burgess Meredith.
AND, at the end of the night, Mr. Z won the raffle drawing. The prize? A free pass for MORE SKATING! Xanadu? More like Xana-don't.
Anywhich, enjoy. (Oh, and extra points if you find the dead kid at the end.)