Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Putting the "Ow!" in Workout...

Sorry I missed a day -- work has been wacky and I've just started a freelance gig with a ridiculously hasty deadline, so excuse me if I don't have an extra few minutes to tap out my latest fascinating musings about woodpeckers and poop.

Speaking of which, can the YMCA purchase toilet paper that could possibly tear out my delicate anus flesh any more than it already does? And the answer is "no." My day, and perhaps the next few weeks, was ruined by the tree bark they're trying to pass off as fucking "bathroom tissue." Holy shitstain, I don't think I'll be able to sit down for at least 96 hours. I'm not sure, but this afternoon, I'm pretty sure I heard my road-rashed a-hole crying.

And is shitty toilet paper really that much cheaper than "okay" toilet paper? I mean, I'm not asking for 400 threadcount Egyptian cotton here -- I'd just like something that doesn't have burrs on it. Something that doesn't unintentionally give me a Brazilian while I'm taking care of my business. Something that comes in packaging that refers to its "ply" instead of its "grit."

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go change my gauze after I throw away my underwear.

5 comments:

lizzy said...

Charmin Ultra = 400 threadcount Egyptian cotton. But not so good for the environments.

In the battle of Earth vs. my butt, I'm still undecided.

Jerry said...

I buy the Charmin Plus Aloe. I treat my tushie nice.

Never wipe your ass with paper that you could write on.

Kim said...

When I buy anything BUT the cheap stuff (1000 sheet-a-roll Scott--you can read through it, I swear), my BF says it feels like he's "wiping with a quilt."

How's that for TMI?

crabbydad said...

In my book, nothing beats a nice, dew-y Cottonelle flushable moist wipe... or four. Unfortunately, they're not very portable, so when I'm away from crabshack, I'm left with whatever twigs and leaves I can find.

Perhaps I need some sort of wipe-wallet.

Jasper Mockingbard said...

I know a guy who takes his very own roll wherever he goes, especially if he's going out of town. You could get yourself a man-purse (or carry-all) and load up on TP.

Personally, I prefer to hold out until I reach the comfort my bathroom. Public bathrooms are vile and not worthy of my ass.