Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Two Children Left Behind...
I literally have NO FUCKING IDEA why the schools are closed today. Apparently, the school superintendant looked out her window this morning and proclaimed, "OH MY FUCK! IT'S A BIT BRISK AND THERE'S SOME WIND! CANCEL SCHOOL, IMMEDIATELY!!!" This is Michigan, isn't it? Known as "the wolverine state"? An animal with a special upper molar in its mouth that allows it to tear off meat from prey or carrion that has been FROZEN SOLID and also to crush bones, which enables the wolverine to extract marrow. Apparently, the animal mascot for Okemos is "The Chickenshit."
And, conveniently, the Old Lady has a day full of meetings today, so I've been enjoying a nice, peaceful morning of ten minute work bursts, followed by a distant blood-curdling scream upstairs, followed by me sprinting up two flights of stairs to see who has stepped on who's head, followed by me saying some variation of, "Dudes, I have to get some work done today -- do you think, maybe, you could play for, like, five minutes without murdelizing each other?!," followed by me fighting the urge to just let them just play the Wii all fucking day, followed by me clomping back down to the goddamn basement, only to repeat the whole fucking process every ten minutes.
Wait... was that a scream or a laugh? Make that every five minutes.
Well, today did suck for the most part. At least work-wise -- I barely got any shit done. I did spend some quality time with the spawnage, though, so it wasn't a total douche. I made up a new game, as a matter of fact. I call it the "lie-on-the-couch- with-my-eyes-closed-and-have-the-spawnage-place-things-in-my-
open-hand-and-I-have-to- guess-what-it-is" game. It's a fucking brilliant game. I basically got to nap while they had the time of their lives. I was pretty unstoppable guess-wise, too, but I'd throw in a red herring every now and then to make them crack up. Like, "Ew, what is that?! Is that... a poop?!" Got 'em every time. The game went on for quite a while, but I had to put a stop to it when, at one point, Miss O actually sat on my hand and farted. The game rules clearly state that if, during the course of gameplay, one of the guessees flatulates on the palm of the guesser, said guessee forfeits and the game is over. And rules are rules.
It's a great game, though. I recommend it highly.