So, I totally need a new bathing suit -- the crotch netting part is doing such a shitty job keeping my nards pouched that during my laps, the other day, I thought I was being pursued by a wrinkly manta ray.
I think it's time to move away from the board shorts I've been wearing toward something a little more streamlined, but there's no fucking way I'm gonna wedge my wee willie winkie into a goddamn banana hammock. The only other alternatives are either the "jammer" style that I've seen a coupla guys wearing -- kinda like those bike/compaction shorts but shinier -- or the retro square leg numbers that are making a comeback -- kind of a Charles Atlas meets Ursula Andress thing.
Of course, I could never imagine myself in those square leg numbers but part of me is drawn to them just to see how people would react if I walked into the YMCA pool area sporting a pair. I'm imagining a slow motion reaction shot of 80 year old ladies vomiting in the water and 90 year old men climbing out of the pool to kick my scrawny ass. Or vice-versa.
Anywhich, I've decided to leave the choice up to you, gentle reader. Here's a picture of each style:
You make the call. Your wish will be my command. Vote away.