Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Barefoot Crabtessa...

I know I haven't been talking about the spawnage much lately. I've been so busy bitchin' about my recent "condition" that I guess I haven't given them much blog time. Don't worry, though -- they're still alive and I'll continue with their exploits very soon. A lot has happened with them over the last coupla weeks. Mr. Z is all googley-eyed over some frida at school and not only is Miss O getting ready to sell girl-scout cookies (don't worry, I won't be doing the hard sell like I did for that crap Mr. Z was hawking) but she also recently had a little body-modification done. No, she didn't get a tattoo or any scarification... yet. Let's just say she has a couple more holes in her head than she did last week, and she's sportin' some fancy new blizzing in her earlizzobes. More later.

More importantly, while I was making dinner tonight I think I realized what I want to do with my life. I found my special purpose! I need a fucking cooking show. I'm serious. It'd be the perfect forum for me. I'll just video myself making dinner while talking and shit over it. I was going through it in my noggin while I was cooking tonight, and I have to say, it would've made for great fucking TV. It'd be like that old Food Network show "How to Boil Water," but without the dipshit, unfunny host. Instead, I'D be the dipshit, unfunny host. I know! It's brilliant!

The only problem is, a) I need to figure out how to shoot it, and 2) I can't record it while the spawnage are around, 'cuz I plan to work a little blue, as crabbydad is wont to do. I'm thinking of duct-taping the camera to my forehead and videoing it after the spawnage are in bed. There, problems solved.

I'm telling you, this is either going to be the greatest thing I've ever done, or... I'm going to lose interest in it by tomorrow morning and you'll never hear another word about it again, just like every other brilliant idea I never doing anything with.

I either can't wait, or don't care!

10 comments:

Doodaddy said...

You know that Rachael Ray is looking for SAHDs for some show segment or other? Search "rachaelrayshow.com" for "stayathome dad" and you should find it...

This could be your chance!

Doodaddy said...

Here's the link -- sorry if this makes it seem like spam. It's not!

http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show-info/be-on-the-show/533/

Brian said...

Ooh! Ooh! You could make Crabby Cakes! and Crabb Salad! and Crabbioli! and Corn on the Crab! and... wait, no 'and'.

But seriously, I think there's a real market for it: Good Healthy Family Meals Prepared by Dad! Break the mold, Crabbydad! You go, girl-dad!

Jason said...

(POUNDING TABLE) Vodcast! Vodcast! Vodcast!

Seriously.

Tape the camera to your head, and have a big mirror to use for shots of yourself. It's kind of the perfect dad show -- you (we) only see what's in front of you at the moment, and there'll be a lot of whirling around to look for things.

Kim said...

CRABBIOLI.

Dude, that is seriously a winner.

crabbydad said...

Then Crabbioli it is! Brian, I'll cut you in on the royalties.

Evan said...

You might be able to clasp one of these onto your noggin:

http://www.mikhailtech.com/content/view/251/28/

crabbydad said...

Pretty fancy, Evan. But I think I'll stick with duct tape and staples, just like Julia Child used to use.

bad influence girl said...

And ya know, I'm pretty sure you could get sponsors. Start out with the purveyors of crab legs whose Google ads come up with your site. They make me hungry every time I stop by. Then the natural progression would be Land O Lakes butter... Chef Boyardee for the Crabbioli... You are so sitting on a freaking empire!

Brian said...

Woohoo!