Storytime, with Miss O...

I was getting Miss O ready for bed tonight when she tells me "sometimes at night, invisible things tickle my face while I'm sleeping." I asked her what she meant and she said that she thinks it's probably spiders and other things walking across her head. She didn't seem to be bothered by it -- she said it very matter-of-factly.

So, I decided to tell her a story about a bunch of different insects and animals that walk across her face while she's sleeping, all searching for their homes in different areas of her room. There was a spider, an ant, a baby chick, a hedgehog and a badger. Good story -- took my time with it, made it funny, had a strong storyline and had her laughing along the way. It was a solid fucking story.

So, I end the story and ask her, as I usually do, "So, what'd you think?" She paused and said, "Well, that was really kind of a non-story."

Excuse me?! A non-story?! I asked her to explain herself and she's all vague and shit. "I don't know... it just didn't feel like a real story." I'm thinking, "Look, kid, you asked for a goddamn story. I don't have to be here... I could be down in the kitchen preparing myself a pickle juice and gaviscon soy shake. Who the fuck do you think you are, Michiko Kakutani?!"

But instead I said, "Well, they can't all be 'Meep-Mop and Meep-Flop in the Land of Meep' now, can they?" She said, "I guess not."

I'm thinking of renting "Alien" for her, so she can see what's really crawling across her face at night.