Saturday, September 16, 2006

Pie in This Guy...

So, yeah, this guy I work with is having his annual Piefest tomorrow and, as usual, I will be unable to attend, and subsequently, will be unable to kick everyone's asses with my amazing pie-making skizzills. It's Piefest 7. I made it to one or two of the early Piefests -- it was a good time, to be sure, but as a pie-making competition, well, let's just say it's not necessarily for the serious pie-thusiast. They have prizes for things like "Best Presentation" and "Most Original Pie," which is fun... for them... but I don't know how much it's really about the pies. And it should only be about the pies.

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a pie snob. And actually, I made a pie one year for Piefest that was about as close as one can come to nectar-of-the-gods, in pie form, and it was roundly snubbed. It was a butterscotch cream pie, and it had this flaky, buttery crust and, frankly, biting into it was like a buttery-scotchy mouthgasm, but everyone at the party was too busy ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the "Lookout-it's-the-kraaaazy-pudding-gummiworms-oreo-pie-that's-
shaped-like-a-bear's-head" entry. It was like going to Vegas thinking you're going to see Rich Little opening up for Elvis, and instead you get Charlie Callas opening for Engelbert Humperdink. Sure it's entertaining, but three hours later, you're going to find yourself passed out in a plate of two dollar breakfast buffet at Circus Circus, with your pants around your ankles and you're gonna be wondering what the hell just happened?!

But I do not begrudge them their fun -- I hope this year's fest is pie-tacular.

And, to show that I have no hard feelings, I made a pie myself today in honor of tomorrow's event. We went to the Farmer's Market today and it was quite the apple-palooza there, so I decided to whip me up some good ol', all-amerrkin apple pie. Pulled out the trusty Baking Illustrated and went to town. A couple of hours later, I birthed me this:

It was pretty spect-apple-ular -- apple-y, crusty, flakey, nutmeg-y, cinnamon-y, y-y. I'm pretty sure it would take not only "Best Fruit Pie," but "Best Crust" and "Best in Show." Oh, and they'd probably call off all future Piefests because it kicked such fucking ass that all as-yet-to-be-made pies would refuse to allow themselves to ever be made for fear of insulting THE KING OF ALL PIES... NUMBER ONE FOREVER!!!!

So have fun with your little Piefest tomorrow, my friends. Enjoy your novelty confections and fill up on your pie im-pie-sters. I'll be here in Michigan, home of the 2nd and 3rd largest pies, IN THE WORLD, finishing off the BEST PIE EVER MADE.


Kim said...

Looks simply deee-lish!

Those silly judges don't know what their pie-holes are missing.

Pie Troll said...

Now I get the "pie-angst-vibe" that I got from you this morning. You're pie-scorned! Can I help it if I won? Best Misc & Most Orig. Eat it pie-face!

Evan said...

Wow, you sure are crabby! The best candidates don't win elections, the best movies don't win academy awards and the best pies don't win at piefest. What can I say? Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you kept the pie spirit alive. I wish my pear and cream cheese and oatmeal pie turned out as nice as yours looked.