Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Gabba Gabba HEY... KISS Sucks!

The old lady's brother sent us a package a couple of weeks ago that contained the Xmas gifts he hadn't gotten around to sending to us last Xmas. The dude's a master procrastinator, to say the least. It was cool, though -- the kids got some presents for nothin', but the greatest bonus was that he also included the Ramones CDs he borrowed from me about four years ago -- "Rocket to Russia" and "Road to Ruin," the two greatest CDs of all fucking time.

See, growing up, all my friends (and I'm being generous to my child-self there -- I had maybe three total) were way into KISS. They had all the albums, the posters, they dressed up like them on halloween, the whole KISS and caboodle, if you will. I never fucking got it. The music sucked, the whole Demon/Spaceman schtick seemed really childish and the make-up, frankly, seemed a little gay to the 12 year old me.

The Ramones, though, I "got" from the first song I ever heard, which I think was "Blitzkrieg Bop." They played fast as shit, they looked totally cool and Joey had the greatest/weirdest voice I had ever heard. It was like Black Sabbath meets The Archies -- I fucking loved it.

Of course, none of my friends understood. They were like, "Dude, the Ramones suck. Their songs are like two minutes long and they all sound the same. It's nothing like "Strutter," man. KISS rules!"

Fucking morons, every last one of 'em. But I was insecure, believe it or don't, and I pretended to like KISS. I never bought any of their crappy music but when one of them would say something like, "'Cold Gin' is the rockingest song ever!" I'd reply with, "Totally... that part... where they say 'Cold Gin'... that's pretty great... for me to... hear." Then I'd run home and crank up "Rockaway Beach" or "Teenage Lobotomy" to cleanse myself of all the deception.

I don't know, I'm just excited to have my disks back. And I challenge you, my single reader, to go out and buy this CD tomorrow, if'n you don't already own it:



I'll make it easy for you. Go here. If you don't fucking love it, I'll send you a free KICKSOME CD, no questions asked. Actually, even if you DO love it, I'll send you a CD. So there. Do it.

And it kills me that Joey, Johnny and Dee Dee are all dead and all four of those assholes from KISS are still alive.

Oh well... in the words of Joey, "I don't care, I don't care, I don't care about this world. I don't care about that girl. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care about these words. I don't care."

Fuck off, KISS.

10 comments:

Kim said...

Dude, you gotta check out "Weird Tales of the Ramones" if you don't already have it. The music speaks for itself, of course, but the 50+ page comic that's included is majorly KICK ASS.

http://www.rhino.com/store/ProductDetail.lasso?Number=74662

Nora said...

I might be the only director in a not-for-profit agency that has a Joey Ramone poster on my door. Of course, it's on the back of my door...

crabbydad said...

Kim and Nora, you have restored my faith in humanity. And holy crap, Kim, that box set is AMAZING! 65 clams, though? Methinks I'll need to ask Santa for it for Xmas. And Nora, it's perfect -- the ultimate not-for-profit band for a not-for-profit agency. And Joey would only want to be on the back of the door. He wasn't a front-of-the-door kinda guy. Gabba Gabba!

crabbydad said...

[By the way, I was lucky enough to see the Ramones live in 1983 for the "Subterranean Jungle" tour and it didn't disappoint. I got punched in the face, spit on, and got a bass pick from Dee Dee. It RAWKED!]

Anonymous said...

thank god, I'm not the only one! this could become a support group for non-kiss-groupies! I dated this guy in highschool who was obsessed with KISS and I just never really got it... and yeah, I did the whole "ya, kiss, they're like, totally cool", but couldn't even name one song. *sigh* what a relief to finally share that with someone!!

EOB said...

I'm a little younger, so for me at that age it was The Clash vs Van Hallen debate. Although I was too stubborn to pretend I was into any of those hair bands (and when I was bringing in The B-52s, Elvis Costello and Bronski Beat to 'record review' in music class, it was pretty much impossible to claim I also liked Zebra). But I did manage to get my friends to like "Should I Stay or Should I Go" (granted, not the best Clash song - or even top 25) by claiming that Eddie played guitar on it. Perhaps if I had brought Aztec Camera's version of "Jump" to record review, that might have been the true way to convert them.

crabbydad said...

Welcome, Erin, to the first meeting of K.W.H.B.P.T.L.K. (Kids Who Hated But Pretended to Like KISS). Kim, if it's all right with you, you're Erin's new sponsor.

EOB, what kind of moron friends did you have that believed the "solo" in "Should I Stay or Should I Go" was Eddie? Probably the kind of moron friends who listened to Zebra, I guess. Must've been hard to explain your Bronski Beat album to the Zebra boys. Then again, they probably also liked Judas Priest, which is just a hop, skip and a reach-around away from the Bronskis.

Nora said...

I was also lucky enough to see the 1983 tour--on my 22nd birthday (I'll save everyone the math, I'm 45). May 19th was also Joey's birthday. I make a dorky "Happy Birthday Joey" poster--on a stick, Gabba Gabba Hey! style.


I'd love to go to NYC for the annual Joey Ramone Birthday Party.

crabbydad said...

Count me in, Nora. It looks like an all-star good time:

http://www.joeyramone.com/news.html

We'll all meet here next May. I can drive.

Anonymous said...

Buy [URL= http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000193.htm#cialis ]cialis[/URL] online

http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000194.htm#levitra