I was getting the spawn ready for school this morning and I was faced with the dilemma of which shoes to put on Miss O. I usually dress her in jeans, so I naturally go with the high tops most of the time. Today, the old lady had picked out her outfit: a shirt with a jean skirt and white tights. I almost went for the high tops, but even I thought that was probably too much. So I just grabbed the black t-strap Mary Janes things that the old lady is always putting her in.
After I put them on her, though, they didn't seem quite right. Something about the black with the white tights -- I was just imagining the old lady seeing her after school and saying something like, "You put those shoes with that outfit? What are you, shoetarded?!"
We were running late, though, so I asked Miss O herself, "Hey, Miss O, do you think these shoes go with your tights?" She paused and then looked me right in the eye with that what-the-shit-is-wrong-with-you look of hers and actually said, "Why do I have to tell you something if you're a grownup and I'm a kid?!"
Then she turned to Mr. Z and said, "Hey Z, Dad just asked me if my shoes go with my tights!" Then she said, "Oh Dad, you're hilarious." And I did that fake, dumbshit laugh-talk thing, "Ah, I'm just kidding... heh... I know they go together. Why wouldn't I know that... me being the dad and all. They go... right? Of course they go! I'm very sure they go together. Very sure. If Mommy asks, though, just tell her that you picked out your shoes today, okay? Great, off to school!"
I found out later that the shoes, in fact, DID go. So there. But the barrette color I chose was WAY off.
And now, as a special service to those of you who say you "can't cook," I give you the recipe for the fantastic dinner I prepared this evening. It's quick, it's easy as fuck and it will send your mouth atwitter with delight. It's so good, in fact, I apparently took the time once to write the word "Yum!" right on the recipe. And if you know me, you know that I don't just toss my "yums" around willy-vanilli.
So cook it up. Fuck the "snake beans" thing. I just use green beans. And I don't use Thai basil, either. Oh, if anyone needs any basil, by the way, I've got a fucking forest of it in the garden... right next to the tomatoes-that-taste-like-ass.