I love that someone found my blog by doing a Google search for "judge this turd." I'm the number one result for that phrase. This is truly a proud day.
School starts tomorrow... finally. Mr. Z is starting fourth grade and Miss O is on her way to kindergarten. Crazy. And for once, the two of them will be attending the same goddamn school! That's huge -- no more figuring out who's picking up whom, trying to time the drive just right so you're not too late picking up either one. Now, when I forget that it's my turn to pick them up, they'll be able to console one another. Very convenient.
As a last hurrah today, we took the spawn to Grand Ledge. It's about a half hour away and it has these, well, rock ledges that are supposedly pretty cool. We wouldn't know, though. We've been there two times and we have yet to see a single fucking ledge. We did do a nice hike, though -- well, it would've been nice if it weren't accompanied by a looping narration of "I'm tired," "My stomach hurts," "When are we going to leave?" "I think we're lost." Actually, to be fair, the last one was a valid complaint -- we were lost. We were following some wildflower path and somehow got a little turned around or something. We ended up in this scratchy field behind some industrial looking garage area -- perfect body-dumping terrain. Thanks to my uncanny orienteering skills, however, we eventually found our way back to the parking lot.
We were going to cap the trip off with a visit to this great candy store in the town there, but both kids were really pissing us off, so we blew it off. Mr. Z has been doing this thing lately where he keeps bringing up this friend of Miss O's who moved to Arizona a month or so ago. Miss O was really upset when she moved and finally seemed to be getting past it. In comes Mr. Z, with his constant haranguing, "Hey Miss O, do you think you'll ever see M again?" or "Hey Miss O, remember M?" We tell him to stop doing it but it's like a scab on his shin that he has to keep picking at to see if there's still blood under it. Drives me batty. So, no candy for him.
Then, Miss O, as predicted, is still waking us up at night when she has to pee. Last night, we left the hall light on and shut our door, hoping the light would be enough for her to do her business alone. HAH! First she stood outside our door and whined. Then she started knocking. Then she started yelling and kicking the door. We tried to wait it out, but the old lady finally got up and took her to the john. Did I mention it always happens at about 2:30 a.m.? So, yeah, no candy for her, either.
I think I may have stumbled on a solution, though. I gave her my really cool flashlight tonight and told her she could use it to help guide her way to the bathroom. She seemed intrigued. It better fucking work, because if it doesn't, I think I'm going to have to install a toilet in her bedroom.
Or maybe we'll just stop giving her liquids.