Even Mr. Eddie's Father Had His Off Days...

Now I'm not one to complain...

Wait.

You know how I complain a fuck of a lot? Well today is no different. These kids of mine -- holy shitcrap, they ripped my 'old one' clean out today and handed me quite the 'new one.' And I started out in a great mood, too. I put forth the effort, is what I'm trying to say here, people... or person.

So, I knew I was in for trouble when I picked them up from school. Normally, I'd just be picking up Miss O because, on Thursdays, Mr. Z has this after-school club thing that goes for an extra hour. So it's kind of a pain-in-the-ass because I pick up Miss O, go home and entertain the girl for an hour, and then go back to school to pick up the boy. Fine, whatever. But, Mr. Z decided he didn't want to do the club thing today, and he seemed really tired, so I brought them both back home.

Then I realized we had to go to the fucking Kroger because we can't go a fucking day without buying MORE MILK and MORE BREAD and MORE TAMPONS and more Clif bars because I ran out and I really like those things before I work out. Anyway, I tried to fire up the kidlets by promising to let them pick out some FRUIT CHEWS, which, personally, I don't get but these kids think they're better than black-tar heroin, so who am I to question it? Anywhich, they took the bait and off we went.

I only had to get a few things but, of course, I ended up spending one hundred and ninety-nine dollars because I turn into Grabby McBoxerson the minute I walk into a grocery store and I only stop when I run out of aisles. And, of course, Mr. Z and Miss O alternated whining, bickering and just plain annoying the shit out of me the whole time. But they got their goddamn fruit chews (a giant box of "Peanuts Halloween Fruit Snacks," which were the regular "Peanuts Fruit Snacks" in a Halloweenie box but I wasn't about to point that out) and we made it out of there without a major scene.

Then we got home and the neighbor kids were outside playing, and Mr. Z and Miss O wanted to play, and I said "Fine, just get along and don't whine like you did at the store," and they said "Okay," but they were full of shit because the minute we got out there, they were whining and arguing and fuck, am I tired.

And I really tried to not let my good mood turn to shit. I kept saying, "Don't let it bother you... they're just tired, just keep up your energy and keep trying to make them laugh... you can do it, there are only a couple hours left... in a couple of years they're not going to want to have anything to do you, so enjoy it while you can... that's it... chin up...

Boom -- shitty mood. You know, I'll bet it's because I didn't have my goddamn Clif bar this morning. I was going through some sort of "Clif-drawal." Oh well, fruit chews, Clif bars... I guess we all have our black-tar heroin.