Sunday, June 10, 2007

It's Not Like This Stuff Grows on Trees!

We're constantly inundated with paper from the spawnages' school -- tests, drawings, flyers, permission slips. Forget the fucking beef industry, the ones responsible for the deforestation of the Earth are the goddamn grade school teachers. Heartless bastards.

So we toss most of the shit, but as a major fucking pack-rat/sentimental dickfer, I have a hard time throwing a lot of it away. Anything that has even a mild stench of brilliance or cuteness, I keep. I just shove all the shit into these folders/drawer things we have, and continue wedging shit in until I can a-wedge no more. Luckily, the school year is ending, 'cuz I'm just about out of wedge.

Anywhich, here's a recent drawing by Miss O that I thought was fucking brilliant and so cute it made me want to shit. Her kindergarten teacher likes to have the kids try to write shit without any help, sometimes, just having them write down what they "think" the words should look like. A lot of times, Miss O is right on the money, but at times like this, I think her version is way better:

For those morons who can't figure it out, it says "Dolphins make squeaking noises. Most dolphins are pink."

And then there are a couple of drawings that I found at the top of Mr. Z's latest spelling test. The boy has been an unbelievable speller since, well, basically since he was three. He's literally never missed a spelling word, and he just knows how to spell pretty much all words. If I were an evil, selfish, unfit parent, I'd have him compete in that Scripps National Spelling Bee. So, yeah, he usually finishes his spelling tests really early and just doodles on his papers while the dumbshit kids in his class catch up. Here's one of his drawings:

Talk about great potential tattoos. Tibor! So yeah, that one was next to his name. And then, if his teacher happened to turn his paper over, here's what she would have seen:

Hah! You're doomed!


Jon said...

These are all fucking brilliant. Tibor! in particular is fucking up my day.

Keep on wedging. This stuff is worth the potential fire hazard.

crabbydad said...

Tibor! is now at the top of the list for potential new tattoos. There's the question of placement, though. I'm thinking either upper arm or left buttock.

Or taint.

Jon said...

I think you need to reserve the taint for a really classy tattoo, like maybe "Tain't Misbehavin'" in nice cursive letters.

crabbydad said...

See, Jon, you're so creative. I was just gonna go with "Mother." Or "No-Fly Zone."