Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Deep Blue (Haired) Sea...

The fucking Y up and changed their swimming schedule, sans approval from this guy, I might add, and it's completely chunting up my routine, goddammit. I drove over there yesterday morning for my 7:30 drowning, and what do I find but ONE SINGLE LANE for laps and the other FIVE for six wrinkly members of the ramps-n-canes crowd doing what I'm guessing was some sort of water aerobics. What the shit?!

Now, I don't begrudge the elderly their splish-splashin' -- shit, when I'm that old I'm not going to want to stop moving either, for fear of my kids rushing in and tossing a shovel-full of dirt over my head, while grabbing for my debit card. But do they really need FIVE LANES?! It's not like the fucking "Cocoon" pods were floating in the deep end, for shit's sake. Cram Gramps and Granny into one lane, they don't give a shit. Hell, they've been through the Depression... they're used to scrimping.

Anywhich, there were already three people in that single lap lane, doing the fucking circle thing, which gives me a squirting ulcer every time I'm involved in it. You're either stuck behind some asswipe who's swimming too slow, or you've got fucking Mark Spitz breathing down your back and you've gotta swim your ass off. No sir, 'twasn't for me, so I went home.

So now, I have to either get there by 7 a.m. and be finished by 8, or I have to swim during lunch or late at night. Cocky shitfarts! I'm gonna try to get up early tomorrow, but it's going to suck dingle-doodies, I gay-rone-tee.

Oh, and to top it off, at around noon today, I got THE WORST fucking toothache of my life, and it's ripping me a whole gaggle of new ones. It's probably from this one molar on the top right side of my mouth that doesn't have an opposing molar beneath it, so it's kinda bent to the side like... well, like Mr. Z's neck, of late. The dentist told me I should have it pulled about 10 years ago, but there's only one thing I like having pulled on me, and it doesn't involve a pliers in my mouth (though strangely, it often does involve a bib and spitting).

So I had a bottle of Advil for dinner and we'll see how everything feels in the morning... when I'm swimming at 7 fucking a.m.

I'm sure it'll feel craptastic.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like it's time the Crabsters finally installed that cee-ment pond in the back yard.
Come on, whaddaya say? Give the kiddies a pool. Save yourself the inconvenience and disappointment of never knowing what's what at the Why.

crabbydad said...

I'm taking donations.

Jon said...

Think of all the wildlife you could "dispose of" in a new pool...

Jerry said...

And with those old folks, bladder control is always a problem, especially when they here a splash of water.