Thursday, May 10, 2007

You Stink Purty...

Another smell-related post, though this one has nothing to do with flatulence/defecation -- I can tell by the response that last night's post was one of your faves. I promise I'll refrain from self-doo-sclosing for awhile.

So, all day today I kept catching a whiff of this phantom smell -- a kind of sweet, powdery, springtime-fresh lady kind of smell that was quite nasally-titillatious. It was, however, strangely out of place, as my subterranean dungeony office hole usually smells like more of a cross between damp-spidery-beef-dust and musty-swampgas-egg-socks.

I kept sniffing around, trying to locate the elusive emanation, but to no avail. I smelled my shirt, my hair, the garbage can, my pen, my nose-breath -- zilch, zally, nada, bupkus. This went on for the entire day and I was unable to track down the phantom fragrance.

Finally, at the end of the workday, I walked upstairs and, I guess, the fresh above-ground air jogged my plaque-riddled gray matter. I remembered that I had run out of my deodorant and decided to borrow a coupla swipes of the Old Lady's pit-stick. So instead of my usual co-op bought Queen Helene Aloe deodorant, that makes me smell like a sour, aloe-y me:

I smelled all purty with my Mitchum for Women Spring Fresh scent:

I found out later that the Old Lady didn't even like that deodorant and had already moved on to some other flavor. She was getting ready to the throw the thing out, and I contemplated taking it over and making it my new trademark stink. But I realized it would be just too distracting, having that swiped on me every day. It was like working next to some sweet-smelling co-worker, and I had a hard time focusing. Besides, my basement's a cold, harsh solitary nether-world -- it's no place for a high-class woman like Lady Mitchum.

So, farewell sweet lady... and thank you for spreading a little bit of your springy freshness to my cold, wintry world. This one's for you:


Anonymous said...

You got your boob in my scotch.

Anonymous said...

You must be stong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Jon said...

I can't see Journey without thinking about "Journey Frontiers & Beyond", which was a video released by NFL Films in the early 80's. When I worked in a video store in college I'd play that thing in the store every day.

If you haven't seen it:

The first portion is a documentary on Journey, narrated by the guy who does all of those stupid NFL documentaries they show on ESPN.... The documentaries that usually involve the Packers and Bears playing in the snow in the early 70's, one team trying to score from the one yard line, blah blah blah. The background music is all military horns and drums, like you would expect from a film about Patton. Voiceover guy is all serious, using phrases like "grid iron" and "blood, sweat, and tears".

Now imagine that same style of documentary making, except instead of talking about a football game, the same voiceover guy is describing Steve Perry's decision to shave off his moustache.

It's probably one of the greatest things ever made.

The second half is a complete concert from their Frontiers tour.

Anonymous said...

dud, just checked your kid's site. it is seriously out of date. you selfish blogger, you. xx R