Monday, May 28, 2007

No, Really... Their Grass IS Greener...

I hate summarizing shit up after a long weekend -- if I weren't such a lazy fuck I wouldn't be in this pickle. Mmm.... pickles. Anywhich, let's see:

We went to Ann Arbor for the day on Saturday, just to get out of this life-suck of a town and visit a place guaranteed to make us weep from all its riches. (For the record, we wept.) We spent most of the time at the "Hands-On Children's Museum," which was tits. Four floors of science shit, history shit, technology shit and shit shit. The spawn totally dug it, as did the Old Lady and moi. Miss O went to town on this magnet exhibit -- she's definitely going to be the science geek in the family. Mr. Z tends to spend about four seconds per exhibit, but Miss O will sit there and spend a good 20 minutes just figuring shit out. It's great to see.

Mr. Z really liked the TV studio exhibit, with the newscaster desk and the weather green-screen. He definitely digs being in front of a camera, that boy. If they ever have a 24 hour spaz-news station, he shall be its Wolf Blitzer.

About 500 hours later, we left the place and headed to Zingerman's for lunch. I would murder for a Zingerman's in Okemos, I'll go on record right now. It's obscene, the healthy, alterna-grub bounty that bursts from that place's loins. Sure, our lunch/dessert (gelato!!) came out to about 80 FUCKING DOLLARS, but to see the smile on my colon's face -- well, you can't put a price on that, now, can you?

Then, for the piece-of-resistence, we made a stop at Trader Joe's to stock up on nuts and loaves and crisps and spirits and various and sundry various sundries. I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- ATTENTION TRADER JOE'S!!! OPEN A STORE IN EAST LANSING MICHIGAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!! THERE ARE 45,000 HUNGRY STUDENTS AND ONE 42 YEAR OLD MAN WHO SPENDS MOST OF HIS LIFE IN HIS BASEMENT AND WHO NEEDS TO SUCKLE YOUR CHILI LIME NUTS ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!! GODDAMMIT!!!!

And then we drove home. Great day. I love that town. We should've bought a house there and made the Old Lady commute to East Lansing. Ah, but then I'd be content... and we can't have that, now, can we?

The rest of the weekend was fine. We rented some movies, went to a park, did some work in the yard. It's just kind of depressing, though, when you think about all the shit we could be doing if we lived in a town like Ann Arbor. It really is ridiculous, the amount of shit they have there. I mean, they're opening up a SECOND Whole Foods because, apparently, the parking was getting a little too crowded at the first one... that being the one that's about 10 blocks away. What the shit?! Do they wipe their dirty asses with 50 dollar bills and throw away their pants after each use, too?! Motherfuckers.

Eh, I'd probably still complain if I lived there. "What?! You're all out of the new New Mexico green chile & cheddar loaf?! That's outrageous!!! Okay, just give me a Detroit Street Round and a Parmesan Pepper loaf. And get me your manager!"

No, I'll be fine here... with the strip malls and the Kohl's and the fucking muttonheads who'd rather shove a 'Bloomin' Onion' into their face slits than a fresh piece of fish. Who needs Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, when you've got the Meijer and Kroger. Who needs the Hands-on Children's Museum when you've got Caesarland? Who needs festivals in the park and fancy restaurants when you've got... I dunno... the Fish Truck?


Jon said...

Ha. Need I remind you that you have Impressions 5 right on your doorstep? I think they updated some of their hands on technology exhibits in 1985!

Actually, if you go there, go and watch the nutrition video over by the jars of hearts. I swear I stood and watched that fucking thing twice through simply because it looked like it had the production values of a back alley snuff film.

crabbydad said...

Hilarious! I took the boy there when we first moved to town. I really enjoyed their exhibit, "Dusty Broken Tennis Ball Machine That Has Something to do with Velocity." I'll have to go back for the "Food Pyramid of Death" video.

Jon said...

You'll never eat fried chicken again. I promise you.

The other good exhibit there was the room full of dishes and soap bubbles in long sink (I think it's supposed to show kids how river currents work). There was some school trip going on when I was there and it looked to me that they were just making little kids wash the dishes from the MSU cafeteria. Nice exhibit on shattered dreams.

But the "make your own plastic train" machine in the lobby is kinda cool, even if it does let off some killer burning plastic fumes.

nora said...

"shattered dreams" -- hey, that is what my degree is in!
Restaurant, Hotel, Institutional and Shattered Dreams Management.