Thursday, August 17, 2006

What the Chuck?!

We got some new back-to-school kicks for Mr. Z and Miss O:

Damn, the old Chuck T's have come a long way since I was a lad. Them's some stylin' footwear. We are definitely a Chuck Taylor family. In fact, when the old lady and I first met (in 1986?! -- holy shitfuck!) we were both wearing red Chuck hi-tops.

The old lady doesn't wear hers anymore, but I still carry the Chuck torch... the Chorch, if you will. I have the black hi-tops for cutting the lawn and my daily shoe-of-choice is the fancy new chocolate Chuck Slip:

Greatest goddamn shoe ever made.

Now the problem is that the television drama has almost ruined the Chuck Taylor for me. Whenever there's a developmentally delayed character or, say, a loner-man-child-who-is-more-of-a-threat- to-himself-than-anyone-else, if you look down at his/her feet... fucking Chuck Taylors. Usually red. Patrick Dempsey in "Once and Again," the schizophrenic tortured brother -- red hi-tops. Shaun Cassidy in "Like Normal People," -- pretty sure he was wearing the Chucks. And the biggest "fuck you," nay "Chuck You" was when Rosie O'Donnell wore them in that steaming turd of a made for TV pigfuck, "Riding the Bus with My Sister... while Overacting in Red Hi-Tops."

Well, I'm here to say that the Crabbydad family is going to single-handedly revive the Chuck Taylor as the hip-and-hattnin' shoe of choice, and give it the proper goddman respect it deserves. Who's with me?!

Of course, the hard part is going to be teaching Mr. Z and Miss O how to tie the fucking laces. Goddamn velcro has rendered their fingers useless -- like stubby, atrophied smoky links. CURSE YOU VELCRO!!!!!


Kim said...

I am the proud owner of 5 different colors of Chucks, both high and low top. Miss O's are ADORABLE! I wish they made them for grownup lady types. She righteously rocks hers!!

crabbydad said...

5 pairs of Chucks?! You're officially in the club, Kim. You are now the Sargeant-at-Arms... er, feet.