Monday, August 28, 2006

Guess I'm More of a Smooth Rock-er...

Okay, so the next time I say I'm nervous about playing with a bunhca musicians, can someone just slap my face and say, "Shut the shit up, dude!" The bachelor party I went to consisted of, basically, nine hours of non-stop "jamming" (literally) with a room full of Bobby Bradys. Actually, it wasn't that bad... well, yeah, it was. I sat in for two songs ("Brand New Cadillac" and "Rattled") but then I decided that my brain throbbed much less when I was listening to the songs from outside... way outside. Luckily, the guy who owned the house lives on a lake and has a boat. I spent a good portion of the day tooling around the lake, not listening from a safe distance.

To be fair, there were some good musicians there. The groom's former bandmates were all there and, at one point, they all started playing some of their old songs from their band back in the 80s. They had a white-guys-playing-reggae/ska thing going on and it was pretty solid. But they only played a few songs and then the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stringers scrambled back to the instruments for more gems, like a horrendous 45 minute version of "Police and Thieves." Painful.

There was one guy there, though, who had a great voice. He was singing background vocals and playing guitar (very well). I was talking to him for a while about his band that's going to be opening for INXS, and he was dropping names and shit. Nice enough guy. He also mentioned that he plays guitar in his mom's band. I thought, "Hmm... interesting. This dude plays in his 'mom's band,' huh? Wonder what that's all about." Turns out his mom is... Aretha Fucking Franklin. Holy fuckstain, the Queen of Soul. So, I guess that would make him the Prince of Soul. Kind of a waste, singing backgrounds for a room full of court jesters. I'm telling ya... no r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

So, yeah, that was the bachelor party.

Before that was the Crabbydad family's trip to the Michigan shore. That fucking rocked. You know, when one ventures out beyond the concrete walls of one's basement, one can actually find some pretty amazing place in one's state, one can. We went to South Haven, which is on the eastern shore of Lake Michigan. We stayed at this retro, old-skool type resort place, that looked like some place Nick and Nora Charles would stay in an old "Thin Man" movie.

It was really incredible. The beach was pristine, there were activities for Mr. Z and Miss O (activities that the old lady and I didn't have to be around for, no less) and my folks were there, too, so that was bonus. The great thing is, I've figured out what my ideal job would be. I need to find a way to get paid to wade along the shore of the lake and look for really cool, smooth rocks. That's basically what I did for two days straight. That's it. My perfect job -- smooth, Zen rock finder. And I'm good at it, too... okay, I know I'm sounding like Mickey Rooney in that movie "Bill" right now. "I'm an excellent smooth rock finder and my name is William -- Bill for short." HEY LOOK! I'M A 41 YEAR OLD MAN WHO ENJOYS FINDING SMOOTH ROCKS, OKAY?! SO GET OFF MY FUCKING CASE, WILL YA?!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I've gotta go find my bag of smooth rocks to calm me back down.


Kim said...

SEE? I told you not to worry! I'm sure the other rockers were far suckier than you could have ever been.

Glad you had a good time with the family!

crabbydad said...

[hanging head and kicking at rocks on the ground] You were right and I was wrong, Kim.

Hey, I should make one of those inspirational posters with a picture of some asshole blowing into the wrong end of a saxophone with the phrase, "There are musicians far suckier than you." It's a very comforting sentiment.