Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nocturnal Admission...

It's time for another episode of "DREAMS OF A MORON!"

Last night's dream was quite simple, as the DREAMS OF A MORON tend to be. The crabbydad family was at the zoo. Miss O had somehow tumbled into the polar bear exhibit and was on the verge of being eaten by a giant polar bear. Mr. Z was trapped with a leopard and was moments away from being devoured. And the old lady was cornered by a ferocious lion and was about to be ripped to shreds.

And where was Crabbydad, you ask? Why, I had the perfect vantage point to be able to see each one of these horrific scenes unfolding before me. And I was close enough to each member of my family to cause some sort of diversion that would save their lives... however...

On my head was a GIANT coiled ANACONDA and its venom-soaked, open fangy mouth was inches away from my head and it was waiting for even the slightest flinch to completely tear my dumbass face right off of my skull.

Oh, what an impossible, labyrinthine plot to untangle! Gee, what could it all mean?! My family is completely reliant on me for their very survival and there I stand, frozen, powerless and unable to commit to their rescue.

I'm surprised I wasn't sitting in a chair in the zoo basement with a big sign around my neck that said, "I'm having a mid-life crisis, I have no friends and, for the life of me, I can't initiate any sort of positive action toward self-improvement."

At least I didn't dream that I was blogging.

9 comments:

Siggy_1872 said...

chip up little camper... it could be worse... you could have japanese beetles...oh, wait....:)

crabbydad said...

And Siggy, I'm starting to think the Japanese beetles are the only ones who'll listen to me. Maybe I should start a band with them. I'll call it... "The Japanese Beatles"!

Liz said...

Not to kiss ay crabbyass, but this blog is more creative than anything I've done in a year, and I'm married with no kids in NYC. So you'd think I could get up to something. Actually, I've signed up for a class in the fall :)

crabbydad said...

Yeah, Liz, but at least you live in New York! Your class is probably something cool, like "An Evening of Drinks, Hors d'ouevres and Music with Amy Sedaris, Mario Batali and Lou Reed."

I get "Ceramics with Grandma."

Liz said...

Even though I live in NYC, I'm still snooze-tastic. Robert Krulwich helps to explain our boredom (regardless of residential area) on this NPR segment that aired this week. Listen to this; it's a real beauty: http://www.npr.org/rss/podcast/podcast_detail.php?siteId=5421661

Liz said...

Oh, that mightn't be the best link to the piece. Try this one. No really, try it! Go on. you know you want to...
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5652676

crabbydad said...

That was a great piece, Liz... though it depressed the shit out of me. What, I'm like an old orangutan now?! Don't want to try the new berries out?! That does it -- I'm going to the Congo to join the Peace Corp!

Or maybe I'll just go outside and water my tomatoes.

Siggy_1872 said...

lol...funny ..you could sing "all you need is bugs" or "We've really got a hold on you (and your foliage)" Sorry...I am tired..:)

Crescent said...

WHOA! I wanted to write a play called Nocturnal Admissions in college!

you'll be hearing from my lawyer.





if I could afford one.