Had to go to Meijer, sorry, "the Meijers" last night for some shit for the spawn's lunches, and it was an MSU student pigfuck in there. Fucking swarms of 'em down every aisle, looking all tanned and scrubbed and youthful and shit -- made me sick. I don't remember college students looking that healthy and attractive when I was in school. Though to be fair, while the people who went to my college may have been attractive, it was impossible to tell from the thick fur, bad skin and hemp-y clothing that covered every square inch of their (our) bodies.
Anywhich, whenever I'm around that many young'uns, I always wonder how I am perceived by them. Not in a vain, check-my-look kinda way, but, like, what category do they dump me into? Am I a "some dad" or am I "that old man" or am I "greasy perv" or what? Of course, I still think of myself as "post-college," which at this point in my life is fucking ridiculous... I mean, I guess you could say anyone is post-college. Fucking Phyllis Diller is post-college.
I don't know... I guess I just want some college student to see me pass by and say, "Huh, that dude's pretty hip for an old guy." In reality, though, they're probably saying, "Ew, that hairy old perv is looking at me. Security! Security!!!" Or worse yet, they don't even notice me.
It's even more magnified when I'm swimming at the Y. They always have these young, dewy lifeguards there, twirling their whistles and snapping their gum. I guess, in relation to the dessicated 90 year olds who I share the pool with, I probably seem "young" to them. And again, I'd like to think that when I walk out of the locker room, they might think, "All right, lookin' good, middle-aged guy!" But you know they're thinking, "AHHH!!! A REALLY OLD YETI HAS ENTERED THE POOL AREA!!! RUN!!! IT'S AN AGED SASQUATCH!!!!"
Actually, I'm pretty happy at the age I am right now. And it doesn't matter how I look, I'll always seem really fucking old to assholes in college. And that's fine. Fuck them and their youngness. What do they know, with their "I was born in the late 80s" bullshit? The dude in front of me at the checkout line was buying a 12-pack of Bud, a bag of frozen pizza rolls, some chips and a shrink-wrapped salami log. What a putz. Doesn't he realize what that's gonna do to him by the time he's 42?