Well, the old lady's birthday is rounding the bend, once again, and so far, I've got bupkus. This woman is fucking impossible to shop for. I think, in the almost 20 years we've been together, I've been right on the money, gift-wise, twice. Once, I got her a watch about which she had said, "I would like to get that watch someday," so I can't even really count that one. The other was this ring I got her about 15 years ago, when I lived in L.A.:
It looks gold-ish in the pic, but it's actually silver and the stone is either carnelian or blood agate or something. I have no idea why she loved this ring and not, say, any of the other rings/bracelets/necklaces/earrings I've purchased. To be fair, she says she loves everything I get her, but I know bullshit when I smell it, and come birthday time, I smells me lots of bullshit.
So, I don't know... I'm going to probably go for another ring this year. She had this buddha ring that she really loved (she got it when she returned a ring I had gotten her a couple of years ago at "The Mexican Shop" in suburban Chicago) but it flew off of her hand during class this past year and broke into little bite-sized Buddha piece-lets. Of course I tried to glue it back together and totally fucked it up, so I feel I owe her a replacement. And I feel I owe the Buddhists an apology.
There's basically no place around here to look -- there is one shop in East Lansing that I might check out. I don't know though -- I walk into those places and stare at the shit and I think to myself, "Hey, now this could either be the perfect ring... or she'd fucking despise it." It's such a fine line.
And she's going to read this, too, so she's gonna be like, "Shit, he's going to buy me another fucking ring. Motherfucker. Well, I better practice my bullshit 'No, really, I love it!'"
It's too bad she doesn't like diamonds, 'cuz I could totally set her up with this sweet, iced-out teeth grill I found online:
But, with my luck, she'd probably return it and get the platinum grill with the emeralds, instead.
Ain't life a bizzle?!