I think I like making these fuckers so much because, unlike the shit I do at work, this is a quick, easy task with a well-defined beginning and end. Cut paper -- punch holes in paper -- cut chipboard -- cut holes in chipboard -- wipe drool off of chin -- put shit together -- DONE. So mindless and so enjoyable. I can just feel my gray matter liquifying and pooling in my skull. Me likee easy job.
I'm keeping this short tonight because I have to go watch the premiere episode of "Project Runway." My summer gayness is kicking in and I must heed its peacocky call. Damn that Bravo network and its flashy, metrosexual-friendly programming!
Tonight, as Mr. Z was taking a bath, he said:
MR. Z: Dad? You know that saying "Make like a banana and run?"
ME: Um... yeah?
MR. Z: Yeah, that's a good one. [pause] So, I don't get it.
ME: Well, you know how chimps are always running around with bananas in their hands?
MR. Z: Yeah?
ME: That's where it comes from. If you want to leave someplace really quickly, you're kinda like a chimp with a banana, running around. So you "make like a banana and run."
MR. Z: [silence] Huh.
ME: No, I'm just kidding. It's actually "Make like a banana and split." You know, like split meaning "to leave" and split as in a "banana split."
MR. Z: Oh. That's so funny I forgot to laugh, Dad.
ME: Yeah. Hey, don't forget to wash your butt.
5 comments:
Crabbydad, I think you might need to face the fact that you're a closet crafter.
I mean, how long will it be until Project Runway inspires you to take chipboard books to the eerie next level: scrapbooking. And I'll bet there's a lovely Michaels craft store not too far away out there in Lansing.
BEWARE!
I WILL NEVER BE A SCRAPBOOKER, DO YOU HEAR ME?! No, I'll never drink that Kool-Aid. Besides, why the fuck would I want to put together a book of pictures of my family -- I see WAY too much of them already.
We are surrounded by scrapbooking stores out here, by the way. All them moms and their wacky scissors. It's spooky as shit. They're the real terrorists!
You've inspired me to end every conversation with, "Hey, don't forget to wash your butt."
Can I hire you to make some PMS gifts out of empty tampon boxes?
If you say no, everyone will be sorry...
Kim -- There is no chipboard project I will not take on... Period. Say the word and production will start to... flow.
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