Well, I think I pretty much went 3 for 4 this year in the old lady birthday crap-shoot-o-rama. Two of the four were no-brainers -- the new Thom Yorke solo CD and this CD by Nikka Costa that she's been eyeing. But believe it or don't, I think the ring I got her actually did not suck and she might actually wear the thing on a semi-regular basis. Maybe.
She wanted a turquoise ring and that's what I went a-searchin' for. The thing is, 99 percent of the turquoise rings out there have some sort of Native American thing going on with them -- they're "rope-y" or they have a coyote on them or some sort of featherage. Not that there's anything wrong with those sorts of embellishments -- they're just not the old lady's cup of tea. Not that Native Americans drink a lot of tea... I mean, they might and they might night... I'm not making any commentary on Native Americans or their beverage choices at all. Of course, they can drink whatever they like. Not that I'm saying they're drinkers... I'm not saying that at all! I mean, look, I was just trying to find a fucking ring, all right?!
Anyway, I ended up getting a ring from this hoser up in Saltspring Island, British Columbia that looked like it just might work for her. It had a nice turquoise stone, it was silver and that was it. Here it is:
That's nice, right? So, yeah, I think she digs it. It fit and everything. She told her friend A, who's staying at our place with her two kids, that she really liked it, so I guess she does. I guess I'm just not used to a genuine "I really like it," so it's hard to accept it when it really happens.
Now, the earrings I got her, on the other hand, major dislike-age. El Stinko. P to the U. When she opened the box she said, "Oh... look at these." Yeah, that's what you want to hear when someone opens a gift. That's basically the same thing she would have said if she had opened a box filled with a couple of moose testicles. "Oh... look at these." And the thing is, I thought I was right on the mark with the earrings and way off with the ring. Therein lies my dilemma -- I can discern no clear pattern of like or dislike when it comes to the old lady, therefore, I have absolutely no idea what to get her. I'll go up to her with a catalog, say Anthropologie, and say, "Hey, what do you think about this skirt?" thinking that it's something she'd like. Every time she'll say, "Eh." Then she'll turn a couple of pages and see some bizarre wrinkly 80s looking blouse or something that I would have NEVER picked for her and say, "Now THIS I like." It's a goddman impossible task, I tell you. Here are the crappy earrings I got her:
Hell, I thought they were old-fashioned, kind of, and dangly, which I thought she liked and they were even in this special case at the dumbass jewelry story. You know, after 20 years with this woman, the only thing I've learned, when it comes to gift-giving, is to keep the fucking receipt. Next time, I'm just going to put the receipt in a nice box and then, after she opens it, I'll hand her the earrings/clothing/necklace and say, "Oh, and here's what you'll be exchanging."
She really liked the presents Mr. Z and Miss O gave her:
The pinwheel and the shiny rock. Now those kids KNOW her. Those gifts were brilliant! Sure things! That's it -- they're buying all her presents for Xmas.
But, I am pretty sure she liked the ring.