Sunday, June 11, 2006

What's This?! An Enjoyable Weekend?!

I don't know if the old lady slipped some of "the crank" into my Wheatina this weekend, but I was a man-on-the-move. Johnnie-on-the-spot, 'twas I. Speedy Delivery!

First, we hit the Farmer's Market on Saturday morning. Got some asparagus and green beans from the nice Amish-looking folk there. Man, those beards are a serious commitment. What do you think those beards smell like -- do they smell like licorice or hay? I'm leaning toward hay, but you never know with them Amish. They're sneaky -- it might just smell like licorice.

When we got back, I became Eddie Electrician. See, when we moved into our house TWO YEARS AGO, we decided we wanted to replace all of the light switches and outlets because they were all cream-colored and we wanted them to be white. And by "we," I mean the old lady. I couldn't have given two turds. I did about 10 of them two summers ago and then stopped. We recently got a quote from some electrician dude to swap them out and it was insane! Hundreds of dollars to fix them all. So, Johnnie Cheapass shut off the main breaker and finished every last one. AND I STILL HAVE BOTH OF MY ARMS AND HANDS! NO PROSTHETIC HOOKS! BONUS!!!

Then, I fired up the grill and cooked my family some meaty-bits! Turkey burgers on Saturday nite and turkey sausages tonight. And they were turkeylicious! I even grilled up the asparagus (asparaglicious!) and some ears of corn (corny!). Oh, and we broke out our new corn holders for the kidlets to enjoy:

Mmm... nothing says "Finish your corn!" like pig a that's been sliced in half and jammed onto either end of a cob. (We're a classy fambly!)

This afternoon, I completed work on my raised vegetable garden that has taken me fucking forever to complete. All it took was about 20 bags of dirt and cow shit and it's ready for my measly three tomato plants and basil. If all goes well, we'll be eating FRESH 'maters by about, oh, November. But it does look stellar -- I'll have a picture later. Betcha can't wait!!!

The coolest thing is, though, that while I was a-hoeing the garden, I hit this little rock. I picked it up and shat my nappies. Check this shit out:

You betcher ass that's an arrowhead! How fucking cool is that?! Mr. Z and Miss O were duly impressed and I promised them that we would take it over to the MSU museum to collect our MILLION DOLLARS! Seriously, though, I think I was more excited than they were. I wanted to keep digging for more booty, but those tomatoes weren't going to plant themselves. And fresh salsa is WAY more important than some ancient Native American burial ground.

Let's see, what else did we do? Um, oh, we took the kids to get ice cream after their baths last night -- they were in their pajamas and everything. I remember doing things like that when I was a kid and I figured, hey, fucking live a little, you know? (Although it may have been a little weird that I was in my pajamas, too.)

And that was it. Stellar weekend, I must say. I think they're getting more tolerable now that the spawn are becoming a little more independent. I don't get these people who want to keep having babies as their other kids start growing up. What the shit?! I'm just starting to be able to bathe myself on a regular basis again. Why the fuck would I want to go back to fucking boot camp?! Morons.

Oh, as I was leaving Miss O's room tonight, I heard this:

MISS O: There's one... and-- Oh no! Where's my other nipple?! I can only feel one! Nipple! Where are you?! Are you in the bed? NIPPLE!

I told her we'd look for it in the morning.


Arnie said...

Is your vegetable garden going to be haunted like in Poltergeist?

crabbydad said...

"Go to the tomatoes... all are welcome... all are welcome..."