Saturday, June 10, 2006

Remember to Keep Your Cat Nice & Moist

Miss O has yet another chest cold. The old lady and I (okay, mostly "I") always get riled up when this happens because ever since some complications she had after getting her tonsils out last September, there's a tendency for regular colds to get into her chest and potentially turn into pneumonia. It's like stuffy nose one day, hacking up a lung the next. Pain in the ass.

The great thing is, she couldn't really care less. I swear, she could have a severed limb with blood spurting out of it, and at the most, she'd be mildly cranky. Mr. Z is pretty much the same way when he's sick. I'm telling ya, they definitely didn't get that trait from my tepid pool of whiney genes -- one sniffle and I'm climbing into the old iron lung.

Which leads me to my next point -- we're a family of many a humidifier. My life-long search for the perfect himidifier is akin to a thrill-seeker climbing Mt. Everest, or the quest for the holy grail. I get a couple of new ones each fall, sometimes hot mist, sometimes cold. Some have filters, some don't. All of them have one thing in common -- they fucking suck and probably end up making us sicker than we already are, spraying out mold and spores and shit.

Then along came the Venta-Sonic. Whisper quiet, cool mist, no filter to change -- the thing is a fucking work of art. It practically breathes for you. It keeps me properly moistened all winter, like a dew-kissed lawn on a misty June morn. It rocks.

So, I sent in the warranty card in case it blew up and that was that. Then the other day, I get this letter from the Venta-Airwasher company asking me if they can have permission to use "my quote" about their humidifier in their "product brochure or website." Here:

So here's the thing -- A) I never sent them a quote, and 2) I don't have a fucking cat. What the shit?! "It is dry here and Venta Sonic has really helped me and my cat"?! Who am I, fucking Granny Wrinklebottom?! "Oh, Mr. Whiskers, it's so dry in here. My rheumatizz is sure getting the best of me. Let's turn on the Venta Sonic and get some much needed relief."

I mean, part of me wants to sign it and send it back in, just to see the brochure with my name and that quote on it. The other part of me wants to slightly alter it and then send it back. Something like, "GREAT PRODUCT - IT IS DRY HERE & VENTA SONIC HAS REALLY HELPED ME & MY EXTREMELY DRY AND DESSICATED PUSSY."

That'll make it into the brochure. I'll send it off tomorrow.


Dave said...

I just wet myself. Or maybe it was Ventasonic. That was seriously some funny shit.

Anonymous said...

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