So Miss O fell out of bed AGAIN tonight. The old lady and I were watching the new Kathy Griffin show (apparently I'm a gay because I loves me the Kathy Griffin) and we heard the familiar sound of noggin hitting floor. And this time I think she hit it pretty hard -- instead of finding her sitting on the floor mumbling, she was lying there in a heap, bawling. Of course, I was convinced she landed on her skull and was suffering massive brain-bleeding, but the old lady talked me down.
I decided to bungie the old crib side to her bed again, though. It's either that or send her to bed wearing her bike helmet, which could be awkward when she starts having sleep-overs. Of course, I'll have to prepare myself for her denial tomorrow morning:
ME: So, you fell out of bed again last night, Miss O.
MISS O: No I didn't!
ME: Actually, you did. That's why I put the side thing back on your bed.
MISS O: I didn't fall out of bed! You're lying, Dad!
ME: Okay, okay. You didn't fall out of bed. Now finish your cereal and stop picking at your massive cerebellar hematoma.
Speaking of Miss O, she brought home these great drawings the other day of a girl standing and sitting:
How awesome is that?! That kind of shit kills me -- just picturing her trying to figure out how to draw someone sitting down. It's the way a kid thinks, encapsulated perfectly in a drawing. I should get that tattooed somewhere. Maybe on my forehead.
Okay, I just heard this PIERCING high-pitched noise that started blaring in the basement and I was frantically running around trying to figure out what it was. Smoke alarm? Nope. Carbon Monoxide? Nope. Some other fucking alarm that I don't even know about? Maybe, until I realized it was this fucking toy microwave oven sitting five feet from my desk that was GLOWING RED AND EMITTING A BRAIN-MELTING TONE THAT WAS PIERCING MY GODDAMN TYMPANIC MEMBRANE! What the shit kind of toy is that?! And what asshole even gave that to us?! Motherfucker, that thing was loud.
Look at that -- just when you start thinking about how cute your kids are, their fucked up toys come alive and get you all riled up.
Yeah, like I'm going to be able to sleep now. Bah, I say! BAH!