So, I kinda feel like I'm in a bit of a rut with this ol' blorg. I used to sit my pointy ass down at 11 each night, stew in my own stink for a moment, and then the daily bile would just voluntarily bubble forth from my diseased liver, up through my fingers and, via my lunch-crumb-and-booger-encrusted keyboard, would end up sharted onto the screen in the neat little rectangular blogger text box. Piece-o-pie.
Lately, however, I can hardly muster the strength to spew forth said bile. Oh, it's still there, mind you, percolating like week-old Sanka in a spum-caked coffee urn in some dank-ass bar in Davenport, Iowa... Stickman's, let's say. Home of the Jumbo Porky. I just feel like I've got nothing new to say. Yes, I get sick a lot. Yes, the spawnage enjoy farts, draw funny pictures and can, on occasion, drive me fucking koo-koo-for-cocopuffs insane. Yes, I live in a town and a state that's sapping my will to live and turning my soul into a dessicated husk of hopelessness and, at 43 years of age, I don't know what the shit I want to do with my life.
Okay, that took a dark little turn there.
Basically, I need to churn up the fecal stew that is my life. I need some fresh ideas, I need to look at my futile existence with fresh, bloodshot eyes. And I need you, dear reader, to help. I've got a few ideas floating around in the noggin' that I might want to try out. Of course, they're most likely idiotic and, ultimately, will turn out to be embarrassing, but that's how I roll. So here are a couple of the ideas I'd like to try out, but probably won't because I'll either forget about them or they'll just require "effort" on my part:
a.) I've always wanted to do an advice column. Kind of a "Dear Crabby" kinda thing. If anyone has any questions that you'd like answered, be they marital, parental, or just moronic in nature, leave them in any comment section. If someone actually comes up with a question that I deem answerable, dammit, I may just answer it... maybe.
2.) I've got to get on that cooking show idea where I video myself making a meal for the crabbyfamily. This requires no action on your part... I just needed to write it down somewhere so I don't forget it again. I bought the fucking video camera, so I'm halfway there. Now I just need that pesky "content" part of the equation and I'll be golden.
iii.) Uh... that's all I've got. Two half-assed almost ideas. Lemme know if you have any suggestions. I'm open to anything, as long as it doesn't involve my ass leaving this chair.
Okay then. Hey, lookie there -- a post. It's working already.