Could it be any drier here at my parents' house? And the answer is no. It was so fucking dry last night, as the Old Lady and I fitfully tossed and turned in my childhood bedroom, that all canals, tubes and mucosae in my body dried up and I woke up like some sort of hollowed-out, dessicated cicada husk. After ingesting about 18 gallons of water today, I've managed to re-moisten myself back to the level of a burlap gunnysack filled with psoriasis.
Tonight, before bed, I plan on lubing myself up with vaseline and slipping inside a giant lambskin condom filled with rice pudding. That should keep me nice and dewy.
4 comments:
Good luck. I'm on my way to my sister's house, which has a wood furnace that keeps the entire house roasting at a balmy 85 degrees 24/7. I'm bringing my summer clothes and an oscillating fan.
"I plan on lubing myself up with vaseline and slipping inside a giant lambskin condom filled with rice pudding. That should keep me nice and dewy."
Leave it to you, Crabbydad, to bring sexy back. Mrs. Crabby is indeed a lucky woman. Merry Christmas to you and your whole Crabby family!
Merry Christmas, Crabby Dad!
Hope you get some lube for the Holidays!
Happy New Year's.
I hope that 2008 brings you better health and and a raft of good things.
Stop by Chez Pez for NYE party.
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