Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Birdy Numb-Numb...

So, I guess I should check in, huh? You know, I thought I knew from crabby. I thought I had crabby's number, I did. Well, let me tell you something, people... I have entered the Thunderdome of crabbitude. The Grand Crabyon. Mt. Crabbyama. The Great Wall of Crabna.

And you know what? It fucking sucks donkey dicks.

This'll give you an idea how shitty I feel -- I called in sick to work. I can't remember the last time I didn't work when I was sick. Which sucks, by the way, 'cuz I work from home, so it's not like I have an office full of people I'm gonna infect. No, through colds, flus and 'the 'rrhea,' there I sit on my little TV screen... the omnipresent video monkey.

But when I limped my numb-ass legs/feet/arms down that basement staircase on Monday morning, I just couldn't pull it off. I feel like such shit, whether I'm sitting or standing or lying down -- I'm sorry, but I just couldn't fathom writing trivia questions about the similarities between Dr. Spock and Mr. Spock. I didn't go in yesterday, either. Just lied in bed and whined. Today, I worked a bit, but it was painful.

I've gotta figure out what's going on in my nervous system, and quick, or I'm gonna fucking lose my shit completely. And I haven't been sleeping much at all, so my mind is just spinning. At this point, I have no idea what's actually fucked up with my body and what's just a result of lying in bed all night and freaking out about whatever horrendous ailment is plaguing me.

Oh, and fuck you, internet. There's nothing worse than having an unexplained numbing/tingling of your extremities and random pain, and having a fucking wireless laptop sitting next to your bed. The list of potential heinous maladies I might be harboring has grown exponentially. There's all kinds of goodies: the oldies like MS and pinched nerves, and then the new ones, like liver failure, diabetes and chiari! Motherfuckers at Webmd and the Mayoclinic. Dickbags.

The shittiest thing of all is that I'm a fucking pain-in-the-goddamn-ass to live with right now. The poor Old Lady is working overtime to talk me down, comfort me, spend time with the spawnage, buy food -- fucking saint, that woman. And the spawnage -- if I have to say I can't read a book to Miss O or draw with Mr. Z because I feel shitty one more time... it's gonna rip my most-likely-malfunctioning heart clean out.

Luckily, my MRI is NEXT WEEK GODDAMMIT, and the appointment with the fucking neurosurgeon who's gonna interpret it isn't until motherfucking January 8th, so I get to wallow in misery for the entire Xmas holidays!!! That'll fucking rock!!!!

So there, you wanted a post -- that's it. Now I'm gonna down some Advil PM and not get a fucking wink of sleep, while I lie in bed and try to decide between a manual or electric wheelchair.


Sarah J said...

No wheelchair..get a Segue. That is about as good as my advice gets. Hang in there.

Monica said...

And please start drinking, this is no fun for us either, you know.
Dead of winter, no light for anyone, and crabbydad in negative pressure.
But seriously folks...if it's getting worse go to the ER. It'll get wrapped up pretty quick-a-doody from there, though the journey through that particular rabbit hole is a torture too. But you'll have an answer within 24 hours or so (they may admit you to do MRI, etc) and then you'll know. Meanwhile, you may get some rest/pain meds.

nora said...

I agree with Monica. If it gets worse do something to speed up the treatment. The idea and hassle of the ER sucks, but they've got everything they/you need under one roof. ER docs rock, they're seen it all. And don't feel like you're bothering them, 'cause you're not. If they send you home it is because it is nothing serious and that will help you get some freakin sleep.

And, it is better to get it checked out then having a nice panic attack on Christmas Day. That would be no fun for anyone, trust me.

On the other hand, if you're in a wheelchair/Segway those nice folks from the Home Makeover show would come and fix up your basement.

Hang in there Crabbydad and Mrs. Crabby.

Kim said...

That's the great thing about emergency rooms--triage. Numbness gets you to the front o' the line. The only thing that gets you in quicker is blood. And if you're numb AND bleeding, fuggedaboudit!

Seriously, though. I know how painful neurological stuff is. I have peripheral neuropathy, and my feet always hurt. There are drugs and pain meds that help, so GO GET SOME. They'll help until you find out what's going on. There's no reason to suffer needlessly when great freakin' pain drugs exist! An emergency room neurologist is a great thing indeed.

Feel better soon. The Crabby Club worries about you!

queen lisa of montreal said...

The Montreal contingent is sending our good thoughts to you. I know how completely freak outifying this kind of thing is. Sending all our Quebecois french-Canadian mojo your way (and believe me, there's several centuries of catholic mojo here just WAITING for someone to dose it out to! Might as well be you, crabbyD...

Anonymous said...

Damn, hope it picks up for you soon (generally happy life, that is). Get well!!


bad influence girl said...

And, if you get pain meds, you can enjoy the fact that the Crabbyfamily will be waiting on you hand and, uh...foot... over the holidays.

Our next Crabby Club meeting will be devoted to channeling good vibes your way.

seizuresalad said...

Hang in there crabbydad - we're all rooting for you!

Have you tried acupuncture? Those dudes can re-wire people.

Thinking of you in Toronto.