Sunday, December 23, 2007

GACK!

Could it be any drier here at my parents' house? And the answer is no. It was so fucking dry last night, as the Old Lady and I fitfully tossed and turned in my childhood bedroom, that all canals, tubes and mucosae in my body dried up and I woke up like some sort of hollowed-out, dessicated cicada husk. After ingesting about 18 gallons of water today, I've managed to re-moisten myself back to the level of a burlap gunnysack filled with psoriasis.

Tonight, before bed, I plan on lubing myself up with vaseline and slipping inside a giant lambskin condom filled with rice pudding. That should keep me nice and dewy.

4 comments:

bad influence girl said...

Good luck. I'm on my way to my sister's house, which has a wood furnace that keeps the entire house roasting at a balmy 85 degrees 24/7. I'm bringing my summer clothes and an oscillating fan.

Kim said...

"I plan on lubing myself up with vaseline and slipping inside a giant lambskin condom filled with rice pudding. That should keep me nice and dewy."

Leave it to you, Crabbydad, to bring sexy back. Mrs. Crabby is indeed a lucky woman. Merry Christmas to you and your whole Crabby family!

Jerry said...

Merry Christmas, Crabby Dad!

Hope you get some lube for the Holidays!

nora said...

Happy New Year's.
I hope that 2008 brings you better health and and a raft of good things.
Stop by Chez Pez for NYE party.