So, the Old Lady had an interesting proposition for me this morning. No, not that kind of proposition -- she doesn't "do" morning propositions. No, she suggested that, if I were to get up with the kids every weekday morning, she would take care of dinner duty with them every night. Now, on the surface, this sounds like a bullfuck deal -- who the shit wants to get up with the spawn every fucking morning? I dasn't.
But here's the deal -- it is physically impossible for me to sleep in past 7:30 a.m. It just doesn't happen. I may want it to happen, if I were able to weep, I would weep over the fact that it doesn't happen, but it's fucking reality. So, I'm up already. All I really have to deal with is getting the spawnage out of bed, dressed, brushed, fed and off to school. Mr. Z is at the point where he gets up on his own and dresses himself. Miss O is a fucking pain-in-the-ass to rouse/clothe, but if you play your cards right, it's not impossible.
Giving them dinner, on the other hand, can be a fucking pain-in-the-shit. It's at the end of the day, when I'm at my crabbalabbinest, and it often times ends in someone's tears. Not mine, 'cuz I have no tears, but either/both of theirs. And we're not at the point where we have dinner together every night. We do on the weekends, but during the week we pretty much feed them at 6:30 and then we eat after they go to sleep, around 8:30 or so.
So shit, I'm up early, the Old Lady likes to sleep in, I don't like to give them dinner, and I'd get to work an extra hour instead. Sounds like a fucking deal. The problem is, on the days that the Old Lady gets up with the spawn, I go swimming. The Y only has open lap swimming until 8:45 a.m., and I can't swim during the day 'cuz I'm not 900 years old and I have a fucking job. So, if I take them to school every morning, I'll never be able to swim.
AIEEEE! Curse you, Zeus! Why must you test me with such vexing predicashits?!