Sunday, March 25, 2007

Bird: 100, Me: Horse's Ass...

Okay, so the sheet metal patch I drilled over the woodpecker holes yesterday seemed to be somewhat successful. I say "somewhat" because, yes, it did prevent the little fucker from pecking in that spot, BUTT, the asshole just moved over about 10 feet and started pecking anew in a fresh locale. Of course, he didn't start pecking until 9:00 this morning, so at least I forced his dingleberry-sized brain to mull the whole thing over for a couple of hours... yeah, who's laughing now, ya peckerhead?!

So, it was on to plan "R" today -- pie tins. It's now official -- we've become the scourge of the neighborhood. Bought a shitload of aluminum pie tins today, strung them together and nailed the fuckers onto the side of the house. I'm just nailing shit to the house now -- don't care what it is... if a nail will go through it, it's goin' up there. And these things are loud as ass!



I'm sitting here in the basement, 10:17 p.m., and it basically sounds like an insane bear is trapped outside in a giant, hermetically-sealed aluminum closet, and it's trying to punch its way out. I'm convinced that when I walk out the front door tomorrow to get the paper, the entire neighborhood is going to be standing in my driveway with pitchforks and flaming torches. I might as well just finish the scene and go find a tire-less 72 Cutlass and put it up on cinder-blocks on the front lawn.

We are so now "that family."

5 comments:

Jon said...

This can only end in tears.

jjs said...

This is all sounding very familiar .... did you not go through this torture last year only to find that the pie tins did not work?

crabbydad said...

We did do all this last year, but the pie tins are new. I am currently pricing wrist-rockets on amazon. And aluminum siding.

Jerry said...

Since you are in that "don't care about the look of the house" stage, I will offer a suggestion. Big aluminum disposable roasting pans make even more noise than the pie pans. It's kinda like a Chinese gong. We use them in our cherry trees to keep the birds away.

crabbydad said...

Roasting pan?! You're brilliant, Jerry. Although, I'll go one step further -- I'm gonna wrap the entire house in foil! Lawn included! Our heating costs are going to plummet!