Thursday, March 22, 2007

Stupid Lightning...

What a shit-ass fuckturd pissdick day... with a big cock on it. It started out carpy when I dragged my ass out of bed to go swimming, got to the Y and was told that the pool was closed due to the thunderstorm. What the shit?! It's an indoor pool! What, is there some kind of sneaky, snakey Anaconda lightning that I don't know about? Apparently, they only open it back up 1/2 hour after the last lightning strike. Crazy Y bastards. What does the "Y" stand for... "yignoramus"?

So I drove back home, all pissy, and had to record voice-over stuff all day (and night) until I sounded like Brenda Vaccaro after a laryngectomy. And then I couldn't watch that Andy Richter show tonight 'cuz I'm still recording the voice shit.

Waaaah-waaaaah... yeah, I know I'm a fucking crybaby but when I don't get to swim, my gills get all dried out and I get extra vinegary.

The only thing that saved the day happened tonight, when I was talking to Mr. Z as he was going to sleep.

MR. Z: Guess what, Dad? Today in class, I accidentally called my teacher "Mom."

ME: Really? That's hilarious. You know what, though? It probably made her feel really good.

MR. Z: Yeah, probably. Goodnight Dad.

ME: Goodnight, Miss O.

MR. Z: Very funny.


nora said...

This post has so many amazing sentences.

Thank you.

Jon said...

Well, if anyone's going to get struck by lightning in an indoor pool, you know it's going to be some fat corn-fed guy from Michigan. They're the same people who spontaneously combust in the camoflage clothing section at The Meijer's.

Evan said...

Unfortunately, you didn't miss much in the Andy Richter show. And I want so badly to like it!

queen lisa of montreal said...

Clearly, the first sentence of this post is going to detour all kinds of freaky pervs who google *that exact phrase* looking for a freaky, perverted good time directly to your blog. I feel like you should offer a complimentary box of kleenex or something to the first 100 freaky pervs who land here. I mean, they obviously wanted to be at gigantic_shit-ass, it's the least you could do.