Monday, October 09, 2006


Miss O made me completely flip my lid tonight. So, she's been reading stuff here and there for a while now, but, being the contrarian that she is, she refuses to read if she knows we want her to do so. So we pretty much either have to overhear her reading something to Mr. Z or wait for her to bestow a word or two upon us whenever she fucking feels like it.

Tonight, as she's brushing her teeth, she picks up the face cleanser tube thing and reads "Deep Clean." Wow, pretty cool. Then she picks up a can of mousse and reads "Extra Hold." Sweet! So I suggest that maybe she could help me read the book tonight before bed. Surprisingly, she seems game and runs into her room to pick out this:

Apparently, it's the book she checked out from the library at school. So, she hops into bed and I open the book, but then she grabs it from my hands and informs me that she's going to read the whole thing. Okay, sure, sure, go ahead and "read" the "whole thing," I snicker to myself, like an asshole. And then she proceeds to read THE WHOLE FUCKING BOOK BY HERSELF! SNAP! I was flabbergasted... flummoxed... fluhBOYgened! And it's not some "See Jane's Dick" book, either. Check this shit out:

One fucking month into kindergarten and she's reading books. Holy fuckstain. Now, I'm not one to diss Montessori... I mean, thanks to last year and this past summer, Miss O can pour beans from a pitcher into a cup like NO ONE, but they're not necessarily pushing the ol' reading over there, ya know what I'm saying? I think our kids are just not the "Montessori types." They'll wear the socks... let some other kid knit 'em.

I'm sure tomorrow, Miss O will deny it ever happened, but I saw it with my own failing eyes -- the kid is reading. Who knows what else she's holding out on... can she tapdance? Perform chismbop? Go five minutes without whining?

Only the mysterious Miss O knows for sure.


Kim said...

Kids can be very sly. If they don't want you to know, YOU WON'T. Hell, she's probably havin' sex, drinking, and smoking cigars over at that there Montessori school!!!

crabbydad said...

She's not in Montessori anymore, Kim. Besides, they don't allow that stuff over there. Luckily, she's at public school now, where no child is left behind... from having sex, drinking and smoking cigars.

EOB said...

Your wikipedia link is wrong. Chisenbop was an infectious pop song from the 90s by that boy band consisting of 3 home-schooled Korean brothers, Kim.

(Ah, nothing like the classic misheard twist. The lyrics sung with accented harmonies in Box 6 write themselves.)